How I Met my Boyfriend…

We blog about online dating quite often as we have both turned to it in the past to help us hopefully find a soul mate. I often wrote about how I did not imagine meeting a soul mate drunkenly at the bar because it felt as if they were always there, trying to pick up any female walking by and get her drunk enough to make her feel that she is special.

One night, when I was least expecting it and when I had only been at the bar for a short enough period of time, I ended up meeting my current love of my life.

I usually do not have the best memory but vividly remember almost everything about the night we met.

Every time I look back it reminds me out of a scene from a Tim Burton movie I love, “Big Fish”:

“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true. What they don’t tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.”

I remember looking at each other and smiling and the memory is still in my mind, and following that single event the way our relationship progressed was extra fast, but wonderful in all the right ways.

I had arrived at the bar quite late to meet my friends and had only been there for an hour or so and had only had enough time to have one drink. Brooke was way ahead of me with drinks and having a great time when, as per usual at the bar, some drunken fool started approaching us. I told him several times to leave us alone but he seemed to really enjoy pissing me off and kept showing off his dance  moves, which resembled a monkey by the way in front of me. At one point he stood in front of me and started flailing his arms around, and as I turned into the crowd, I made eye contact with who then was a stranger and (apparently) made a disgusted face at him asking for rescue from this drunken freak.

He came over to me and started talking and one conversation lead to another, lead to another and time flew by so fast that it was already last call and the bar was closing. He had only been there for less than an hour too so we were both fully sober to be able to have intelligent conversations. We had quite a lot in common, loved the same TV shows, both have careers that we are growing into and seemed to have the same sense of humour.

We somehow fit perfectly together from that day on, and the first date, the second and every other day after that. We spent so much time together, not because we felt we HAD to but because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company that we are moving in together. We decided that all the decisions we have made and will continue to make will not be to conform by what standards people say a relationship ought to follow or not follow. It is a gut feeling and when it happens, both people agree and see eye to eye and this is something rare and amazing for me having experienced the complete opposite in the past.

I remember one day having a conversation with him and the words that came out of his mouth were: “I don’t think you have ever dated someone like me because you would still have been with them to this day.” It gave me goose bumps because I knew that it was the truth.

So why did this relationship work for me but online dating failed?

Because we both happened to be at the right place at the right time, not just physically that night at the bar but in our lives. Maybe somehow the universe aligned and things happen because it was fate (if you believe in it) or maybe things are a series of random events. I don’t really know what I believe in but I am happier than ever before and most importantly I am with someone that is sure about being with me. Unlike the experience I had before with someone who was constantly confused until one day he was confused about me.

Online dating provided a good understanding for me of what attributes I liked in someone and which ones I disliked. But I found many of the men I met online had various issues. Some still lived at home in their 30’s, had unsteady jobs or jobs that were not so great, they had no aspirations and future plans and they were generally confused without much direction. It seems they all turned to online dating to not necessarily build a relationship but to hopefully find themselves. What they didn’t realize is that by turning to online dating, it means that another person may become involved and feelings often get hurt.

The important aspect about dating in general and online dating is finding yourself and making yourself someone that has various things to offer to a relationship. It is not fair to find someone to give you direction because they are not your parent or teacher, they are your partner and ought to be looking towards the same direction as you.

So next time you try online dating, already have a profile or are frustrated. Turn all that off and head out somewhere social. That wonderful person who has a career and is very busy may not have the time to dedicate to an online dating profile, but he may have the time to catch up with a friend that night and who knows, you may bump into him.

The Break Up

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie

Lunch Guy

 

We have nicknamed the gentleman that this post is about “lunch guy” because all I really got from him was a lunch date and a whole load of lies. But to get a better understanding of “lunch guy” we must start from the very beginning.

About two years ago or more I was on Plenty of Fish and had spoken to lunch guy a few times. He ended up adding me to Facebook and we must have made plans to meet at some point which obviously fell through. Regardless, at the time I started dating somebody else so I don’t recall the exact reason why me and lunch guy never met up but we just didn’t work out.

Three weeks ago I was spending a lazy Sunday at home wasting endless hours on Facebook when I got a message on Facebook Chat from lunch guy. We started trying to figure out how we knew each other. After about four hours of talking back and forth, I felt like we had the BEST conversation and really were hitting it off. We talked about everything, laughed, I enjoyed his humour. He told me he was a brand manager for a company and he got to see many cool things like hockey games as well as tickets and a flight to the Superbowl. That all sounded very exciting and after a while we exchanged phone numbers. Funny enough, I have had the same contacts on my phone for ten years because I happened to have his phone number already. Neither one of us could exactly remember why we didn’t pursue going on a date but if we got to the point of exchanging phone numbers we may have.

Regardless, two days later he took a cab over to my work and met me for lunch. He was a true gentleman. It was raining a bit so he held his umbrella over me, had his arm around my waist and took me to a very nice restaurant, nice than I expected for lunch. He had a witty sense of humour, joked with the hostess and waiter and said a few things that actually made me laugh out loud. I will not lie, I was impressed. He was six years older than me, owned his own place (seems to be rare for guys in their 30s around here) and seemed to have a pretty successful career. He held my hand across the table which was pretty cutesy and he gave me a peck on the cheek when I returned to work.

I went to work with a big smile on my face and constantly kept wondering why he had been sitting there in my friend’s list for so long and I never ever noticed him before or wondered why we didn’t talk.

That week it seemed we both had already made previous plans so we were unable to see each other. The conversation kept going back and forth. He made it clear that he was extremely busy with work and usually worked 7 days a week and sometimes until late hours of the night. I have different views on this. Although I enjoy working, I truly believe one must work to live and not live to work. Regardless, since he made the time to see me during our lunch, I figured he would put in that same effort on a second date and so on.

He went away for that weekend and was completely MIA. No text messages back or phone calls and I figured he was just busy. Then Sunday I finally receive a text from him saying he’s had a crazy weekend away for work and he would tell me everything over lunch later that week. We planned for lunch on a Friday…after he was leaving the following weekend for the Superbowl. He messaged me saying that he had to catch his plane and was unable to make it to lunch. Okay so I got over it, I realize it was kind of a big deal why he cancelled an moved on with my life.

Again; another weekend of MIA but then some sporadic messages saying how he just really liked me, saw himself dating me for the long run and that we had great chemistry. I don’t really fall for these words at this moment and I think it’s impossible to feel all this after a 45 minute lunch date. Regardless, I appreciated the effort.

I was given promises that when he came back he would make it up to me by taking me on a real dinner date. But I somehow had a weird gut feeling about him. He would try to squeeze me in during lunches but dinners seemed to require much planning. In the evenings he would usually not answer his phone or messages and then send me a random one here and there. I felt like he may not only be busy with work but also maybe be in a relationship?

As we were finalizing plans for our dinner date and he was almost upgrading his nickname from lunch to dinner guy. He told me that after dinner maybe we could hang out for a bit. I said,  sure that’s a good idea and figured since he mentioned his place a few times that maybe I could check it out. Before I suggested his place, I had a funny feeling that an excuse would come up as to why we shouldn’t go there.

He told me that his sister works close to his place and sometimes works late so she often crashes at his place. This is why going there would’ve been a bad idea. I questioned him on this because his sister seemed to be married with a husband and a two year old baby. I’m not a mother myself but I figure that a new mother would want to make it home every night to at least see her baby, especially when living in the same city.

Regardless, I told him it sounded odd to me but sure moving on. He said I had no reason to be doubtful and to trust him on this. He called me from his work and assured me that he is not lying about whatever life he is living. I expressed that there were no hard feelings but I really could not get involved if he was already with someone or even living with them. His phone called was assuring. Regardless, I didn’t really care what the outcome of it was, more like something to do?

Later that day I get a message that says “You’re going to kill me but I may not be able to do dinner, I may have to work late” I replied “Don’t worry about it” and that was the end of that. I got several other messages saying that he would try his best and so on. We were supposed to meet at 5:30, anyways the whole evening came and went and he never even gave me a text or a phone call. I went home right after work and didn’t even try to contact him because I was clearly done with him and his lame excuses and pathetic lies.

The next morning I receive a text that says “Hey are you mad at me for last night.” Clearly I ignored it, then I received another one saying “I’m sorry but I really tried.” I tried my best to ignore him but the messages just would not stop. The last thing I wanted to do was let him think I was busy or something and that I was fine with being cancelled or disappointed. So I messaged him back and told him that I did not think it was a good idea for us to see each other. I needed someone who was available for me and who would be willing to do things with me. Not someone who has to pencil me in and cancel on me because they are obsessed with their job, or worse in a serious relationship. He told me that he felt I was making a huge mistake and that he cared about me and really liked me and that he had a gut feeling we could be something great.

My favourite thing is when he said “Sometimes in love things dont go the way you wan them to but it’s never that easy and you have to be patient and try. I am upset that you are not fighting for this and are giving up so easily”

EXCUSE ME? Since when are we talking about “love” here. And also, I explained that I would fight and not give up in a relationship with someone that had put the time into being with me, who fights for someone after a second date and a series of disappointments!

Regardless, I told him that mistake or not I guess if I eventually feel like I made a mistake, it would be my problem to deal with and my loss. It’s really too bad that in some cases the bird dance lasts a few months or a few years but at least in this case the bird dance lasted a lunch date and then two weeks of lying and pretending to be in a relationship and that we should “fight for it.”

In the end, I fought for what I believed in and that is what’s important.

I believed that I am worth somebody’s time, I am worth being important and a number one priority. And I am worth having someone want to learn about me and what makes me different or unique. I also am worth someone fighting for me through actions and not words. Showing up and taking me somewhere, or out to lunch. Not once, but a few times and showing me a great time and that, just maybe might make me fight for them and make me realize that they are worth fighting for.

 

The Interview

Many years ago, at the prime of my dating streak I became involved with somebody that I met in a bar.

I was in a on-and-off three year relationship at the time and he had just broken up with a girlfriend of four years. Somehow finding each other seemed to be ideal for us at the time because neither one of us wanted a huge commitment but we still missed the comforts of a relationship so it was only natural we found our way into one.

When we first started dating it was clear to us that we were sort of on the rebound and we did not expect too much of it. But as time went by and a month went by, we were spending almost every day together or so. I was staying over at his place all the time and getting ready in the mornings to go to work. He wanted me to go to his baseball games and ultimate frisbee games and I did not mind one bit. He introduced me to his friends, took me to parties, took me on double dates with his best friend and he made me and Brooke breakfast. How could I not like him, a guy that enjoyed spending time with me and vice versa and who got along well with my best friend!

Because he had been in his previous relationship for a while, I had to come to terms with the fact that he had chosen to stay friends with his ex. I did not mind this because I never felt threatened by her. Call it cockiness, call it confidence or maybe immaturity on my part but I knew that I had nothing to worry about.

I guess he had not told her that he had moved on so quickly because one day as I was going into his house, she happened to drive by to drop off some of his stuff. We encountered each other in the driveway and I knew who she was but she clearly was surprised to see me. I had done my Facebook creeping and seen old pictures of them; I always like to do my homework when getting into any kind of relationship.

I guess she felt hurt or threatened because as he came out she said out loud to him “Is this your new flavour of the week?” Clearly I was NOT happy about this remark but he assured me that she clearly was not over their relationship and I can imagine anyone would feel hurt seeing your recent ex with a new girlfriend. It was only natural that I did not like her either, so following that day, any encounters we had, clearly there was an exchange of bad remarks towards each other.Him and I broke things off after about five or six months. I guess both of us lost interest in the relationship and we were not able to grow as a couple. We did not stay friends but we also did not end things on bad terms. As years went by, we never saw each other or spoke to each other so that was the end of that. This was over three to four years ago.

Last year I was looking for a new job and started going on several interviews. I applied for a job that seemed to be a great opportunity for me and a few days later I got a phone call. The girl called me and we had a pre screening phone interview which I did well on as she said she wanted me to go in and meet her. She told me she would e-mail me the interview details and that she looked forward to meeting me. As I went to check my inbox with the interview details, my heart skipped a beat as I saw her name in my inbox. I remembered the guy’s ex I dated had a very distinct last name and I was shocked to see this in my inbox.

I did not know how to react and I tried to assure myself that this was not the same person. I really wanted to go to the interview but the idea of seeing her again was not something I wanted to do. I text messaged the guy, hoping he still had the same number and asked him whether she worked for the company I had applied for. A few minutes later, my phone went off and I had received a reply saying “Yes.” These are situations that I would read about and laugh at but ones that I never thought would happen to me.

I asked my friends what to do and was told that she probably did not remember me and to go ahead for the interview. Some told me to not bother as I would probably be awkward enough going and that would just make me feel worse. In the end, I was convinced that she would probably not remember me as she had asked me to go in and to just go ahead. I decided to be mature, take my chance and go to the interview. What did I have to lose in the end.

I showed up to the interview and was told that she would be with me in a moment. As I sat there for five minutes, it seemed like forever. But as I looked up I saw HER walking towards me. At that moment I felt really uncomfortable but her welcoming smile and handshake somehow convinced me that she really had forgotten about me. The interview went well and she started sharing stories with me about how many years ago she went to Thailand and had a great time. I pretended like this was all news to me when I had heard all the stories from our ex. In the end she told me she would keep in touch and she gave me a hug. A hug, how awkward was that.

I went home and felt somehow silly for having over analysed the whole situation. So I waited to see if I would hear back, but I didn’t. I ended up not getting the job but shortly after I got the job I have today which I love. Ironically enough, a week after I was at a bar with Brooke and as we were on the dance floor, I gazed over at the crowd and noticed my ex from three or four years ago. I thought I was seeing things but as we called out his name he came over to me and asked me how I was. Clearly, we still had the same attraction to each other because he came over afterwards. As we started catching up, he brought up my interview with his ex and asked me how it was. I told him it went well but I didn’t get the job.

He confessed that she knew it was me all along, and she had called and asked him if she should call me for an interview or not. He told her to give me a chance because my candidacy for the job should not be affected based on the fact that we had a “situation ” with him. In the end, he said she took his advice and I apparently was the best candidate but her pride and inability to get over what happened overcame her and she settled for hiring someone else. Now I can look back and find humour in the situation but I can assure you that while it happened to me I felt like the universe was playing a silly trick on me. In the end, I’m glad to see that even for the interview she was able to muster up the courage and see me and give me a chance and that ironically enough, he was the reason she had the courage to do so.

Have any of you ever been in an awkward situation? How did you handle it and what would you have done if you were me?

Mckenzie

The Sex Strike

So as you are all likely aware this was the first week back from the holidays. Perhaps some of you were back before, but it was the first real week back for school kids and all the stragglers from the offices. This was also the week I got extremely down from reality. I was on the Subway and reflected on the past year in men. I had some ups, some downs, some never ending lovers. I also had a relationship that ended quite roughly creating some much needed rebound sex. Once I got to my stop on the line, I wondered, what’s the point. The men from 2011 fit into the following categories: man whores, guys from my past (which I already advised you against), one nighters, guys that simply didn’t care, or friends. What is enticing about that? Nothing. Although fun, and much needed, I discovered that even my relationship was unsatisfying in the end. The problem is I couldn’t care enough about any of those men.

Its safe to say my judgement has been pretty bad and I haven’t listened to my heart. My heart is the one who has been hurting, screaming at me telling me I’m going down the wrong path with men. No kidding, if I weren’t down the wrong path, this blog wouldn’t have me in it. It sure makes for entertaining stories though!

After realizing that I knew what I was doing but who I was doing it with were all wrong, I decided on my subway stop to make a pact. A pact with myself. This is when I decided to listen to the heart, and put in place, the sex strike of 2012. I have made a pact with myself to keep my body untouched until I am with a guy who I ACTUALLY like and who GENUINELY likes me back. No, it doesn’t have to be love but it does need to be reciprocal. Being one who does not necessarily do relationships, I think this is the biggest challenge for me. I’m in my mid 20’s, and its time to treat my body and sanity like the awesome bitch that it is. Hell, ill still tell you about my past sexcapades because they’re hilarious, but as for new stories I hope not to have any ones to tell you… Although I know a few of you enjoy the warm and fuzzy stories (that I have never told).
Do you ever feel like you’re meant for better? I do. I may be a hopeless romantic; I really wouldn’t call myself one. Everyone just has a little hopeless romantic in them. I just think its a challenge that I need. Its been 10 days and it’s already difficult, I can feel myself getting angry at the men I know because they don’t care as they should… And I really enjoy sexcapades!!! But its time for better things (men), so here goes the dates of 2012 to hunt for a guy who is special.

Your sexless friend,

Brooke

Happy New Year

 

We would like to wish everyone a happy New Year and hope that 2011 was a good year and that the next one will be even better. I’m sure we all had resolutions last year that we either accomplished or did not, and I’m also sure that we have new resolutions for this year and hopefully we will stick to them. In light of ringing in the New Year this weekend, we would like to talk about our years and the good and bad 2011 brought for us, we would also like to share our New Year’s resolutions and would love to hear yours.

(Brooke) Everyone wonders who their midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve will be. This year I have decided to wonder something different. Rather than who my kiss ringing in the New Year will be, I wonder what I will change in the New Year. I personally don’t believe you really get anywhere with resolutions, it’s a spur of the moment hope that one plans to keep but no one really does. If you do; great for you, but I think of creating more of a motto than a resolution. How about something like “New Year, New Men” or “New Year, New Mistakes”? I ask this because, while everyone makes mistakes every year, I tend to repeat mistakes I have made before, even if I had learned something from them. I often talk to you about these mistakes, which have often led to hilarity, but I don’t say how sometimes I slip and make the same mistake again. It’s important to keep making mistakes to keep growing and learning, but not everyone remembers that the past is there for a reason and it shouldn’t make are-appearance in the New Year.

Last year was easily my worst year thus far in many ways, beginning with a major relationship fail, health scares, moving in and out, and having problems with money—typical woes that many people have on a regular basis. That being said, it was also one of major positive changes: Going back to school, adopting a dog, starting this blog with McKenzie (!) and refocusing my attentions on friends rather than relationships that went nowhere. I’m not trying to be cynical; I’m just trying to say to you, review last year. What went wrong in your dating scene? Relationship(s)? Married life? Could you have let an argument go that wasn’t worth fighting, or was it worth it? I strongly suggest you use this time before Saturday night to review. Make a motto for yourself and just try and go by it. Of course it can be difficult to say “No” sometimes to a free meal from the guy you know is no good, that’s not bad for your ego either! I just want you to look back on 2012 in December next year and say that you want 2013 to be spectacular like this one was. Happy New Year’s my friends, have a drink or 3 for me! 2012 will have some amazing stories to tell you!

(Mckenzie) As for me, my New Year’s Eve kiss will be with my boyfriend and I am very much looking forward to spending it with him. For me, 2011 was bad and good at the same time; I would have to say it started out not so great and then better things started happening as the time went by. I had broken up with my ex whom I was quite serious about and somehow it took me half of 2011 to get over him, considering we broke up in 2010. I had a few short-lived relationships that I was not into because I was settling for less and was not over my ex. Once I moved on from all of those, I finally met my current boyfriend and that is when things started looking up. I joined a gym in the summer, I started this blog with Brooke and I also started a new job that I really like. For 2012 my New Year’s resolutions are : 1) to save more and spend less, 2) Worry and de-stress ,3) work out as much as I used to when I first joined the gym, 4) Make my relationship the best it can be.

I think these are all realistic goals that we can stick to and hopefully next year we can look back and say that it was a good year. What are your New Year’s resolutions, do you remember last year’s and did you follow them?

Happy New Year, we wish you the very best and we love and thank you for your support and wonderful comments!

 

Brooke and Mckenzie

Our Guest Blog on Will Date for Free Food: How I met him on an online dating site

Hey guys,we are very excited to share with you our guest post today on one of our favourite blogs- Will Date for Free Food. In this post Mckenzie talks about meeting her boyfriend on an online dating site and the positive side to online dating. Check it out and make sure to read their blog for similar posts to ours, we love them and they are our blog soulmates but all the way in Boston!

How I met him on an online dating site – Guest Blog.

Confidence is Key

We truly do believe that confidence is key.

Many years ago, our confidence was very different than what it is today. As they say “we’ve come a long way baby” and we are very happy to be in a place where we are happy with our level of confidence and have enjoyed the benefits this brings. It took us a while to get where we are but it was well worth it in the end.

When we were younger, we both had long-term relationships that we look back on and realize we could have definitely had higher standards. We obviously cannot blame our teen selves because we really did not know any better. As the years went by we gained more experience; not just relationship experience but life experience. We realize that our standards have become higher and we know our own self worth, what we deserve, and we are not afraid to get it. When we became close friends, we really motivated each other to take on new challenges and find the courage that had been missing before. We ended our unhappy relationships and moved on to dating which taught us to set various standards in our lives. Through this, we not only built confidence by motivating one another but also by some of the relationships we had, some bad and some good, we now know that we deserve.

(Brooke) Confidence is something that both Mckenzie and I have decided is the major factor in getting the attention you want and deserve. I actually put this theory to test with my girlfriend. She is a tall girl, likes taller guys and her self-confidence is almost at the bottom of the barrel. One night we went out for drinks and I said to her: “Let’s get some drinks” as she got her wallet out, I said: “I mean let’s get a guy to buy us a drink.” Yes to some of you it may not be the way you like to live, but we call us old fashioned, we believe it’s nice when a guy offers to buy you a drink. Why not? It’s worked for years.
So she said to me that I would have to lead because I’m the one who is going to get the drinks. I asked her “Why would I?” She said I was thinner, blonde and cute. I said, “No the reason I would get drinks is because I’m confident. I’m so confident in fact that I’m going to make a bet with you that if you give the illusion of confidence, you can get what you want (at least for the time being). “ I bet her a drink. I told her to find a guy and just look at them not breaking eye contact for three seconds. If you break eye contact it gives the appearance you aren’t interested and you want them to think you are. So, she found a guy, smiled as I suggested and held her gaze. He walked by three more times, each time she continued smiling at my request. I appreciated her doing this that’s for sure even though it was to put one of our “theories” to the test. He finally came up to her and said: “Can I get you and your friend a drink, I think you’re intriguing.” Now if that wasn’t created in a few glances, I don’t know how someone can argue that confidence is not key!

Another example we have is a friend we may have referred to in some of our posts. She was in a five-year relationship where she was constantly treated like a doormat. She is an intelligent and beautiful woman and we constantly have to remind her that she can have anyone and anything she wants. The problem? She does not think she deserves better or can get better if she tried. We have been in situations where we were sitting in a bar and an attractive guy would approach her, she would suddenly freeze and not share anything about herself with them because she thinks she would just bore them.  In other situations, where we have pushed her and reminded her self worth constantly, she has definitely made progress in at least making an effort to talk to a new guy even though it still has not gone anywhere.

This theory applies to more than just picking up men, with work, school, even shopping. Sure, you won’t give them a smirk or a wink but you can change the way you behave in order to make people react the way you want them to. Yes, some is manipulation, but you must be confident in any manipulation, in yourself, in everything. If you are self conscious, join the club because we all are. Nobody is perfect and we must accept our flaws as part of the whole package. Even if you do not feel you are perfect, we just don’t need to inform everybody of the fact that we feel that way by avoiding somebody’s gaze, settling for unhappy relationships and letting people walk all over us. If there is that hot guy you have had your eye on, what makes you think you don’t deserve to talk to him? We must continue to remind ourselves that we can get whatever we wish for and confidence will come. And if confidence does not happen in a matter of seconds, alcohol has been known for years to help; don’t they call it liquid confidence after all? If liquid confidence is what you need, well at least it can steer you in the right direction!

 

Mr. Awkward

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?

The Life of Body Hair

This is a very important subject that we all need to deal with at some point in our lives. It is the issue of body hair. What’s too much, and what’s too little?  I personally like a man who has some chest hair, scruff, and a trimmed downstairs. I don’t need it completely weeded, and I don’t need it flowing and wild like Rapunzel. I am a middle ground type of girl and always have been, and boy do I like it when it’s just right. Recently it has come to my attention that there are three types of men when it comes to body hair. The first is the type that has body hair everywhere… especially downstairs where it is mucho wild. He doesn’t trim, he just has a layer of carpet all over. The second is the middle man, who trims, and leaves it tidy enough so us ladies can find our way. I like this man. Thirdly, there’s the guy that lost all his hair! I ask, where did it go? Did some little waxing fairy come by and say “Hay boy, you’d look sweet for the ladies if you looked like a baby boy, let me take care of that for you.”  To me, this isn’t my thing, but recently I’ve been getting some bald eagles. He has some on his legs, some on his face but even his arm hair seems trimmed. The rest isn’t trimmed, it’s gone. Like brand new baby gone. Why would a man decide to do that? He isn’t manly, like a lumberjack, when he feels like a baby’s ass. To me, I need a man who feels like a man. Calluses on the hands, hair on the body just enough that it’s visible that he’s a guy and it offers some stimulation.

For the men who are naturally lacking hair, that’s fine. I don’t judge that, lack of chest hair is doable. However, if the downstairs is not trimmed, I’m not going to run away but I’m certainly going to write about it in a post. If I have everything neat and tidy, doesn’t it trigger the thought that maybe, just maybe he should put some effort in? If he’s nervous about scissors near your junk, or a trimmer, have no fear, take your time or ask a friend. They’re always there to help, no?

I must admit that I have waxed a friend’s back before and I didn’t mind one bit. Perhaps it was the fact that I was ripping hair out of his back and laughing wildly while doing so, but nonetheless he had a beautifully (red) hairless back at the end. He was happy with the results and asked me why no one had told him about it before. I do have a problem telling men to fix something. It is something my lovely McKenzie doesn’t have a problem with and I love her for her honesty, but I can never find the right words to help them correct something that’s just not working for them.

I’d like to use Waxed Back as an example of perfect distribution of body hair. He had the chest hair going on that, as far as I remember, was trimmed not shaved to the bone or waxed off (nothing worse than feeling stubble rub on my chest). His lower region was trimmed and well maintained. It was much appreciated. Then I had the boyfriend who would shave everything. EVERYTHING. (Why was he my boyfriend? I keep asking myself this.) He would get his chest hair going, and I would be happy finally that my chest wasn’t rubbed red by his stubble. Stubble on the chest is not attractive. I know he hated his chest hair because it would turn into carpet man if he let it, but I hated when I came home once in a while and would see my boyfriend naked as a mole rat and he would try having sex with me, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It didn’t help when all I could feel was skin… It also doesn’t help that I’m gagging while writing this.

I have noticed over the years, however, men with it trimmed or shaved are more likely to have a lot of sex rather than the men who nicely trim or leave it wild. It almost gives me a story of who this man is. The shaved or waxed man is likely to be a ladies man, thinking he is greater than he is and adding many to his list of babes (yes, it was the case with my ex). The wild man is likely to be more inexperienced, recently (or still) married, or a long-term relationship guy. This works for me, but again, how do you tell him that going down there isn’t going to be as enjoyable when I’m flossing my teeth? The man who trims neat enough may just not like the look of a bush engulfing his little fella. In any case, what a man does to his body hair tells a tale of who he is. Keep that in mind the next time you are with a new man and you see what’s making headlines in the pants.