The Break Up

21 Mar

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie

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13 Responses to “The Break Up”

  1. sydneyaaliyah March 21, 2012 at 10:31 pm #

    Hi Mckenzie. You sound very strong. Good for you! I think it is healthy be able to analyze a situation in hindsight and really understand how things worked out the way they did. The hard part is not putting yourself in the situation again. Good luck!
    The part about the Valentines card reminded me of an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine got back together again. He gave her a birthday card that said, “To a great pal and more.” Not exactly how you want someone you are with to describe you.

  2. nelle March 21, 2012 at 10:31 pm #

    It sounds like this works in your favour, and by what you describe, it does. I’m picturing those password strength indicators some websites have… if you put your just ended relationship through such a measuring, what would it say?

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE March 21, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

      Yeah, it somehow seems to have worked out for the best. So many events transcribed following the break up such as events through work and just ended up meeting so many people within my field of work. It’s as if somehow all the chips were falling into place and making me realize that this is what needed to happen.

  3. kaleighsomers March 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm #

    Maaan, breaks my heart. Breakups suck, but it sounds like you’ve been handling it well. I tend to get so invested and it doesn’t go over well, though, ironically, I’m usually the one to sense it’s not working and pull away. Defense mechanism? Maybe.

    You totally deserve a better valentine’s day card, but you know that. I hope you find someone who appreciates the effort you put into things like that, because I am so so sure he’s out there. Somewhere. Hoping some girl appreciates the effort he’s putting in, too.

  4. Victoria-writes March 22, 2012 at 9:31 am #

    Sounds like you’ve done the right thing, you deserve someone amazing!

  5. adamsdaughter March 22, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    Ugh I can totally relate to you and your reasoning behind ending your relationship. It sounds like he was dragging/slowing you down, and you should never settle for someone who isn’t a part of helping you thrive! I just wrote a post about four things I think need to be present in a healthy, positive relationship, and it sounds like you were lacking the mental and emotional connections! Here’s the link if you want to check it out 🙂
    http://adamsdaughter.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/four-connections/

  6. BougieHippie March 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm #

    You women expect entirely too much from life!

  7. Anne-Sophie March 23, 2012 at 5:48 am #

    Good for you! I’m glad you took a good hard look and mustered up the courage to make a difficult decision.

    It’s tough, but as I’m sure you’ll agree, totally worth it ❤

  8. The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles March 24, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.”

    I love this quote. I’m writing it on a sticky note and placing it where I can see it everyday.
    As for this post, I knew exactly that feeling of relief you were talking about. Saddness at yet another failed relationship but relief because deep down you knew all along that this was probably not right and yet you didn’t want to break things off because there was never a clear cut reason to do so.

    Welcome back to our single lady boat. We have music and cake and endless possibilites of meeting the most amazing people here 🙂 ❤

  9. maggieat40 March 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    I have really been enjoying your blog, so I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Come on over to pick it up! http://fortyandfeelingit.wordpress.com. Keep up the good work!

  10. Roshni March 31, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    Hi there! I have nominated you for the Sunshine Award! You can check it out here : http://roshrulez.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/spread-some-sunshine/

  11. riatarded April 2, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    You Go Girl!

    I say good for you! You don’t deserve to be treated thoughtlessly (wait is that a word? aha! it is… well what’d you know you learn something new every day! strangely that makes me happy! haha) Ok enough about me!

    You are awesome McKenzie! Love yourself and stay true to yourself! 🙂

    Also, I am having ‘The Uninspired Chronicles’ project over at my blog! It’ll be super awesome if you guys took part!

    http://riatarded.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/the-uninspired-chronicles/

    Love,

    riatarded

    P.S: Stay strong 🙂

  12. riatarded April 9, 2012 at 10:16 am #

    where are you two!

    More posts please 😦

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