Tag Archives: love

How I Met my Boyfriend…

9 Aug

We blog about online dating quite often as we have both turned to it in the past to help us hopefully find a soul mate. I often wrote about how I did not imagine meeting a soul mate drunkenly at the bar because it felt as if they were always there, trying to pick up any female walking by and get her drunk enough to make her feel that she is special.

One night, when I was least expecting it and when I had only been at the bar for a short enough period of time, I ended up meeting my current love of my life.

I usually do not have the best memory but vividly remember almost everything about the night we met.

Every time I look back it reminds me out of a scene from a Tim Burton movie I love, “Big Fish”:

“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true. What they don’t tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.”

I remember looking at each other and smiling and the memory is still in my mind, and following that single event the way our relationship progressed was extra fast, but wonderful in all the right ways.

I had arrived at the bar quite late to meet my friends and had only been there for an hour or so and had only had enough time to have one drink. Brooke was way ahead of me with drinks and having a great time when, as per usual at the bar, some drunken fool started approaching us. I told him several times to leave us alone but he seemed to really enjoy pissing me off and kept showing off his dance  moves, which resembled a monkey by the way in front of me. At one point he stood in front of me and started flailing his arms around, and as I turned into the crowd, I made eye contact with who then was a stranger and (apparently) made a disgusted face at him asking for rescue from this drunken freak.

He came over to me and started talking and one conversation lead to another, lead to another and time flew by so fast that it was already last call and the bar was closing. He had only been there for less than an hour too so we were both fully sober to be able to have intelligent conversations. We had quite a lot in common, loved the same TV shows, both have careers that we are growing into and seemed to have the same sense of humour.

We somehow fit perfectly together from that day on, and the first date, the second and every other day after that. We spent so much time together, not because we felt we HAD to but because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company that we are moving in together. We decided that all the decisions we have made and will continue to make will not be to conform by what standards people say a relationship ought to follow or not follow. It is a gut feeling and when it happens, both people agree and see eye to eye and this is something rare and amazing for me having experienced the complete opposite in the past.

I remember one day having a conversation with him and the words that came out of his mouth were: “I don’t think you have ever dated someone like me because you would still have been with them to this day.” It gave me goose bumps because I knew that it was the truth.

So why did this relationship work for me but online dating failed?

Because we both happened to be at the right place at the right time, not just physically that night at the bar but in our lives. Maybe somehow the universe aligned and things happen because it was fate (if you believe in it) or maybe things are a series of random events. I don’t really know what I believe in but I am happier than ever before and most importantly I am with someone that is sure about being with me. Unlike the experience I had before with someone who was constantly confused until one day he was confused about me.

Online dating provided a good understanding for me of what attributes I liked in someone and which ones I disliked. But I found many of the men I met online had various issues. Some still lived at home in their 30’s, had unsteady jobs or jobs that were not so great, they had no aspirations and future plans and they were generally confused without much direction. It seems they all turned to online dating to not necessarily build a relationship but to hopefully find themselves. What they didn’t realize is that by turning to online dating, it means that another person may become involved and feelings often get hurt.

The important aspect about dating in general and online dating is finding yourself and making yourself someone that has various things to offer to a relationship. It is not fair to find someone to give you direction because they are not your parent or teacher, they are your partner and ought to be looking towards the same direction as you.

So next time you try online dating, already have a profile or are frustrated. Turn all that off and head out somewhere social. That wonderful person who has a career and is very busy may not have the time to dedicate to an online dating profile, but he may have the time to catch up with a friend that night and who knows, you may bump into him.

Advertisements

Peace and Pie

23 Jul

On my trip to central Asia I wanted to search for honesty in love that I could find in strangers I met on the road. On this two-month discovery, I looked and looked but realized it was so difficult to find obvious signs of love in a culture that appreciates modesty.

Instead, I did what I do, and figured I’d search for “inner peace” as travelers often do, but I have done with no luck before. It’s not myself I was looking for, but a clarification of what I wanted in my life. I had several horrible 18-hour bus rides, and since I get bus-with-no-road sick I only had time and an iPod to keep my mind busy. I would think about everything from what I value in a man or friends to what I wanted most from home at that time (turns out it was coconut cream pie).  I thought about how I hadn’t put makeup on for the time I had been in this country for the first time in years, and how it was freeing. Especially since I got asked out three times by older, attractive men… Stories to follow later.  I thought about where I wanted to be long-term, and who I wanted to be with. Ultimately I tried to come to a conclusion about anything that would clarify to the point of inner peace or whatever it is people look for.

Obviously I didn’t find inner peace, but I did come to a conclusion. Have fun while you’re young, spend time with those you love, cry when you’re sad (or happy), travel, eat, exercise; all the things you already know that leads a fulfilling life. I realized I don’t need to discover a thing. I need to find someone who can stand me when I get sick from the Asian food and have a touch of puke left on my face. A man that finds it funny when I get frustrated at lateness or the fact that I need to eat every three hours. Someone who can bear my past as he knows it has made me the best I can be, and who can meet me without makeup and see my inner beauty.

FYI, I’m still without that man, but it’s all good, I have a pie in my fridge tonight… Coconut cream to be exact.

I just want to say how much I missed you readers, and writing for you! I intend to share those stories you just know I got on my trip. Thankfully I (mostly) kept it in my pants, but don’t worry, there’s plenty of fun to share. Hope you’re enjoying the heat!!
Brooke

Genuine Love

14 Mar

There are women in this world who settle for less than they deserve. We all have, at one point in time woken up and said, “What am I doing here?” Whether it have been regarding a boyfriend you are laying beside, a husband, if you’re still in a drunken state, or alone. It may not be obvious for all of us, as I know I have thought that what I had at the time was happiness. The problem is, if you ever question your relationship imagining a different life completely and you feel a longing for it, chances are you’re not where you should be. If you can think to yourself of every morning being in the same bed as the man who is beside you right now for the next seventy years, I congratulate your happiness! However, if you are like me and you are searching for a man you know you deserve, keep on reading. I won’t tell you where to search for him, but I can offer you some suggestions from recent educational insights that have stayed in my mind.

Two weeks ago my grandmother died. I can’t be sad about it because she was in her 90th year, and died with my grandfather by her side. I know these times were different, being born in the 20’s, and life was a lot simpler for choosing a mate. This is because they didn’t sleep with more than one person, weren’t able to travel as easily, and social networking didn’t exist. We’re still all out for the hunt of the man we think exists. Let me tell you, you may search forever or he may be right beside you, but either way he is out there. My grandmother and grandfather were married for 70 years. This is almost impossible to imagine, considering I’m already past that point unless I guarantee living to 100 or older (which of course I do). Can you imagine 25,550 days (give or take a few from leap years and my math skills) with another person? Sit here reading this, and actually picture the routine of waking up and seeing that man’s face for the next 70 years. This is amazing to me. If you sped up a camera for 70 years, that man would literally age right in front of you. The arguments, the nagging, the moving, the child rearing, are all factors that would have been throughout the years. I experienced it first hand when I would ride in the back seat of the car when I was in my early teens. My old, slow driving, grandfather would forget to signal when he was making a turn and my grandmother would never fail to talk about it until the restaurant and proceed through lunch. “Oh Alec, you should really be more careful. Going 50 Kilometers on a street is quite quick and you must use a signal,” over and over again in different sentences. 25,550 days.

In order to find a man you can stand for 25,550 days, you need to consider this: know who you are. Erikson, a psychosocial theorist, created stages that a person goes through in their lives when they are young. According to him, we all go through these stages, which you can research more on if you’re curious. I will focus on one, however, identity versus role confusion. In this theory, the stage of an adolescent is to find who they are through choosing a role such as a nerd or a bully. In high school we were meant to choose who we want to be, shy or outgoing, popular or not, and so on. As I have read further about this, I realize this stage wasn’t something I completed. I was never able to choose who I wanted to be as I kept changing groups I chose to hang out with, and what role I wanted to be in. When I went to university I changed again completely, and afterwards even more so when I started to travel.

I believe that rather than one stage, this is something we go through our entire lives. Perhaps we don’t change our morality or our basic state of being, but there are too many encounters in our lives to not change and grow from them. I know for a fact that the “me” in a relationship in high school is not the same “me” that exists in one now (if I were in a relationship). The amount of people I meet in a year do not define me, but they help me at each encounter to realize what I like or dislike in people, and qualities I find intriguing. These encounters help me focus on what I want in a person as a friend or a possible relationship I can see lasting.

I am a firm believer in loving yourself before putting complete love in a relationship. This is because many people lose themselves when they are in a relationship and they begin to identify who they are by who they are with. It’s like a chameleon that changes to fit into the surroundings they are in at the time. When you outline what you want in a person, and don’t settle for less, you are putting faith in yourself that you are capable of meeting that individual and they do actually exist. It may not be in an ideal timeframe, but if you enjoy your life meeting new people and seeing what you like in all of them, you never know whom you will be with. If you waited for someone to change, you would be waiting forever, so have faith in yourself and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to spend 25,550 days with an individual you truly love.

The Sex Strike

10 Jan

So as you are all likely aware this was the first week back from the holidays. Perhaps some of you were back before, but it was the first real week back for school kids and all the stragglers from the offices. This was also the week I got extremely down from reality. I was on the Subway and reflected on the past year in men. I had some ups, some downs, some never ending lovers. I also had a relationship that ended quite roughly creating some much needed rebound sex. Once I got to my stop on the line, I wondered, what’s the point. The men from 2011 fit into the following categories: man whores, guys from my past (which I already advised you against), one nighters, guys that simply didn’t care, or friends. What is enticing about that? Nothing. Although fun, and much needed, I discovered that even my relationship was unsatisfying in the end. The problem is I couldn’t care enough about any of those men.

Its safe to say my judgement has been pretty bad and I haven’t listened to my heart. My heart is the one who has been hurting, screaming at me telling me I’m going down the wrong path with men. No kidding, if I weren’t down the wrong path, this blog wouldn’t have me in it. It sure makes for entertaining stories though!

After realizing that I knew what I was doing but who I was doing it with were all wrong, I decided on my subway stop to make a pact. A pact with myself. This is when I decided to listen to the heart, and put in place, the sex strike of 2012. I have made a pact with myself to keep my body untouched until I am with a guy who I ACTUALLY like and who GENUINELY likes me back. No, it doesn’t have to be love but it does need to be reciprocal. Being one who does not necessarily do relationships, I think this is the biggest challenge for me. I’m in my mid 20’s, and its time to treat my body and sanity like the awesome bitch that it is. Hell, ill still tell you about my past sexcapades because they’re hilarious, but as for new stories I hope not to have any ones to tell you… Although I know a few of you enjoy the warm and fuzzy stories (that I have never told).
Do you ever feel like you’re meant for better? I do. I may be a hopeless romantic; I really wouldn’t call myself one. Everyone just has a little hopeless romantic in them. I just think its a challenge that I need. Its been 10 days and it’s already difficult, I can feel myself getting angry at the men I know because they don’t care as they should… And I really enjoy sexcapades!!! But its time for better things (men), so here goes the dates of 2012 to hunt for a guy who is special.

Your sexless friend,

Brooke

Our Guest Blog on Will Date for Free Food: How I met him on an online dating site

13 Dec

Hey guys,we are very excited to share with you our guest post today on one of our favourite blogs- Will Date for Free Food. In this post Mckenzie talks about meeting her boyfriend on an online dating site and the positive side to online dating. Check it out and make sure to read their blog for similar posts to ours, we love them and they are our blog soulmates but all the way in Boston!

How I met him on an online dating site – Guest Blog.

Taking chances

14 Sep

 

I truly believe in taking chances and these chances can be small, or big but regardless; they will leave you changed in one way or another.

They may show you a side of yourself you didn’t know existed or you may help somebody else see a side of themselves that they were not aware of. You may even regret these chances, but the motto I always live with is to experience something full on rather than spending the rest of your life wondering what could’ve been.

My chance started out of the blue while I was on vacation for a week in a tropical place. I had that initial gut feeling that something exciting was going to happen and the unknown is what made it even more fun. I saw him from afar sitting at a table, surrounded by a group of friends. We made eye contact and inside I had that feeling again that the exciting thing would be him.

We hit it off after the first night of talking together. The chemistry was unbelievable and the things we had in common were surprisingly bizarre. He called me his “kindred soul” so I will refer to him as “S.K.”. Regardless, at this point I figured not much could come of it, this would probably be a random hook up story and that’s the end of that. Or so I thought. He made me laugh constantly and had the witty sense of humour I love. His ability to quickly come up with hilarious things to say had me hooked and I lost all initial gut feelings. This encounter was even more mysterious than I had thought, I was falling for him by the minute and by the day but was afraid because our time together would be limited.

What we both did then and there was jump in with both feet and made every minute & second count. We lived in the “now” and did not worry about tomorrow. Although previously we had been strangers on vacation, we shared our most intimate thoughts & experiences with each other.

In one of our “heart to hearts” he shared with me his inability to fall in love as he described himself as “emotionally detached.” I believe that through our experience I made him see himself in a different light. To me, he was the opposite of that, he smiled whenever he saw me, held my hand every second, kissed my forehead when we were standing in the ocean or laying in bed and brushed the hair away from my face. I told him that he was not emotionally detached but needed to find that someone to notice those things about him and to accept and love his sense of humour.

He had never felt that before.

I don’t have an answer as to whether us continuing to talk or see each other may or may not lead us somewhere. Life proved to us time and time again that taking chances can be very rewarding. If you’re willing to take that risk I say to always jump in and have no regrets. Your kindred soul, friend or just future boyfriend/husband can be out there but without jumping in you may miss that opportunity to experience something surreal. And if life is not measured by the breaths we take but the moments that take our breaths away, those moments definitely never failed to take my breath away.

 

-Mckenzie