Our guest blog by Witty of Will Date for Free Food

We are very pleased to feature a guest post by Witty from one of our FAVOURITE blogs: Will Date for Free Food. We consider these girls our long lost soul-mates and we definitely see eye to eye on many topics, especially when it comes to dating. We hope you enjoy this post as much as we do  and love them as much as we do.

 

Today, I am facing public humiliation. But I knew I just had to eventually share this story… so here goes nothing…

A while back, I was having a little health issue. Nothing too serious or anything… more just inconvenient. For a few weeks I was constantly in and out of the doctors, getting small tests done and what not. Finally I had to take a trip to the hospital, for a 3 hour harmless test. I checked in and they handed me some scrubs. The pants, the shirt and the robe. All about 3 sizes too large for me. I changed into my new super sexy outfit and took a seat in the waiting room. I was patiently waiting, reading a book, when a very good-looking male nurse walks out into the waiting room. All I can think is “PLEASE don’t call my name… PLEASE don’t call my name…” and then, he called my name.

I took a deep breath, put a big fake “I’m-not-embarrassed-AT-ALL” smile on my face, stood up and walked over to him. We went into the examination room and he did all the necessary things, including explaining the test to me.  And then a sign of relief: he told me that the radiologists would be coming in shortly. I thought “thank god! this hottie isn’t the one actually doing the test! phew!” But when the radiologist finally came in, the hottie murse didn’t leave. The radiologist started asking me a series of questions:

Radiologist: Is there any chance your pregnant?

Me: Nope.

Radiologist: Are you sure?

Me: Unfortunately, that’s impossible.

[Radiologist & Murse chuckle]

Radiologist: So, what’s been going on with you…

Me: Well… umm… I’ve been… irregular…

Radiologist: How so?

[embarrassed look on my face…]

Radiologist: Constipation? Diarrhea?

Me: mmhhmmphhdiarrheammmphhhmmm

Radiologist: What was that?

[Sigh. Avoiding eye contact with hottie murse]

Me: Diarrhea.

COME ON, what could be worse than having to tell a hot stranger about your shitting patterns?? I was there to get an upper GI x-ray–the one where you have to drink barium and they x-ray it as it goes through your system. First, they made me drink something carbonated and then drink the barium as they took x-rays of my throat. The hot murse had to run and grab a small wastebasket just in case because they could tell by the (what I imagine to be seductive) look on my face that I wanted to throw up. Luckily I didn’t.

After this, I drank more barium and then had to roll around back and forth, round and round, on the table so that the barium would coat my entire stomach. I felt like I was a puppet. The hottie murse had to line my hips up with machine and said “well at least your hips aren’t hard to find!” Yea, I took that as a compliment. After I was done with this series of x-rays, I then had to drink MORE barium. This time a whole big cup. Then I would have to go back for round two. The hot murse told me to try and drink it in 10-15 minutes. It took me 40. When he came back out to the waiting room for round 2 (5 minutes after I finished the drink) I told him it took me a little longer then he wanted. He said that’s okay, he was just going to see exactly where it was in my system before doing the final x-rays. He took a quick snap shot to do so. Come to find out, the barium was luckily far enough along in my system to do the final x-rays. When he told me this, I laughed:

Hot Murse: What’s so funny?

Me: I only finished the drink 5 minutes before you got me…

Hot Murse: Wow! Well congratulations, it went through your system quick! It takes some people hours and they have to wait here forever.

[Face turns red]

Wait, did he just congratulate me for proving that I’m not lying about having diarrhea? I think that just happened. Anyways, we had to wait about 5-10 minutes for the radiologist. He sat in the room with me and shot the shit (no pun intended…). I’m not going to lie, I think he kind of wanted me. He even gave me a free pair of hospital socks! (I’m wearing them right now.) Anyways, the final test was quick and painless. I look back on that day and wonder if, after being so mortified and having him know the most embarrassing thing about me… think I could have gotten his number?

Mr. Awkward

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?