Mr. Awkward

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?

The clan of un-datable men… part two

This is the sequel to my previous post “The clan of un-datable men” you waited for it…so here it is.

Following my interesting date where we had to share a coke and having the date NOT end with a kiss.

I decided I was not going to give up hope so my next date led me to; we can just call him CRAZY!

I have mentioned him before in the post titled “The Sub Test” as he was also extremely cheap, but for the sake of describing my disastrous dates, I won’t spare you the juicy details. Within the first minutes I found him to be very attractive. You could tell he hit the gym on a regular basis (great butt and nice rugged hands). I always have a thing about people’s hands, so I guess you could say these hands passed the test with flying colours.

We went for coffee on our first date which he clearly did not pay for. Unfortunately I gave him a second chance where we went to get dinner (which he did not pay for, again) and watched a movie …at home. Within the second date, it was more than clear to me that this was not going anywhere. Despite his physical advantage, we had good conversation but I wasn’t feeling head over heels. Two days later, it was Halloween and he text messaged me repeatedly saying he wanted to see me after my Halloween party; around 4:00 am. Now I don’t know about you, but 4:00 am is not a date, it falls under the “booty call” category. Having decided that this was simply not going anywhere, I decided to reject this invite and told him I was busy.

The following morning while having breakfast, I noticed that I had several missed calls and messages. I was being called many offensive names like “slut” “drunk” and “alcoholic” because i refused to see him at 4:00 am. These messages ended with the best one yet which said “If you would like a chance to redeem and explain yourself meet me today for lunch.” Ummm NO!!!!! I wouldn’t even waste another text message on CRAZY.

The date that followed this one we will call SOCIAL. Because throughout the whole date he constantly made a point in telling me that he was very social. I get it!! But social to him meant going rock climbing. Now don’t get me wrong, I have never rock climbed and I’d like to it sounds like a lot of fun. But going by yourself and rock climbing…every single day, doesn’t seem like my idea of social. Especially because he spent more time rock climbing than he did at home or anywhere else.

Disregarding his obsession with being social and rock climbing, he was extremely rude to the waitress. Gave her attitude all night and in the end after asking me to walk up and pay for my half of the sushi dinner…on debit. I noticed that he did NOT tip the waitress.

As if this date couldn’t get any worse. We said our goodbyes, no kisses and as I went in my house I got a phone call from him asking me if I wanted to talk on the phone until we went to bed. I’m sorry but 15 minutes after a date is over, I think I need some room to breathe, especially after that one. What were we going to talk about , how the date went? because I’m sure he didn’t want to hear my opinion on it. Not only did he want to talk on the phone but he wanted to come over and snuggle. Clearly this was NOT going to work out.

We realize these dates sounds disappointing and in no way are meant to discourage from the dating world! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we can say we have found it. Eventually asides from the failures, there is definitely a good one that came out of it. So although a bumpy ride, we do believe that online dating does open your eyes to different things and if anything makes you realize what you are looking for in someone or not looking for. It definitely helps you realize who you want to invest your time into and who you absolutely must ditch within date number one!

Happy dating!

Mckenzie

The clan of un-datable men

I often see a commercial that says currently 1 in 5 relationships is formed online. I can say that I have fallen under that statistic but on my quest to find the ideal partner, I have unfortunately encountered some not so very ideal ones.

At the time; after many disastrous dates I will admit that I felt more like crying than laughing at them. But now that some time has passed and I have shared them with Brooke,  we have had many good laughs and of course learned from them. This is why I think it’s time that I share them with the public and hopefully we can all get a few good laughs as well as some valuable lessons.

My first experience in the dating world started a bit over two and a half years ago. I had previously gotten out of an almost three year relationship from university and after some time off dating I decided I was ready again. The question was, where do I meet people?

The first experience I will share, I will call him DISHONEST, the reason for it is because he used fake pictures on his profile.

After speaking for a few weeks, I noticed that he had only one picture of himself; him wearing sunglasses and sitting behind the wheel of a car. The picture looked very artistic and figured he had a friend who was a good photographer. We had good conversations but he often said “ I hope when you meet me you will still feel the same,” this in itself should have raised a red flag. Being new to the online dating world and being an honest person, I did not imagine what was coming my way.

After text messages and phone conversations we decided to meet one night after I was out with my friends.

I received a message saying that he was heading my way in 5 minutes so I started looking. Being quite anxious as I had never done this before, I was somewhat excited and imagined we would lock eyes in the crowd, run and hug each other and that it would probably be a scene from a movie.  Five minutes pass and I receive a message that says he was standing across from me and he recognized me so I looked up and started looking for him. In the picture he had nice arms and I’m a sucker for nice arms, so I figured that could be one thing to look for. But all I saw was what appeared to be a 350 pound homeless person that was smiling at me. He had stains on his shirts, a hat covering his face and ripped up jeans that were falling off almost.  The fellow approached me and believe it or not, this was APPARENTLY the same person in the picture.

After many attempts at convincing me that the picture was taken years ago and that he had gained some weight. I remained unconvinced. I told him that this would not work out and went on my way. Weeks and even months later, he sent me various messages insulting me and saying I was shallow and that we were made for each other, clearly he was blocked.

In what universe did he ever think that he could not only lie about his appearance but also show up on a first date looking like a homeless person. And how could he ever expect to start any relationship based on lies from the first minute or starting conversation.

Fortunately I still kept my spirits up, blocked DISHONEST and tried my luck again. After some regular dates that simply lacked chemistry. I met AWKWARD. Oddly enough he ended up living a block from me, which at the time I thought would be perfect if we were to date as convenience is definitely key. Let’s get to the point with this one, he did not receive his nickname for no reason.

Within one hour of walking and chatting downtown he tripped about 5 times, got his sleeve stuck in a doorknob  and got ice cream all over himself . Unfortunately I decided to give him another chance when he messaged me one night after the bar telling me he was with his friends eating sushi in our area. “After the bar” was a red flag over here.  I showed up to find him beyond drunk, unable to walk properly. Guess I never predicted that him living so close meant I had to help him stumble his way home as he hung himself off of me, keep in mind he was about six feet tall and I am only 5’2”.

Needles to say, that was the end of that one.

Apparently the “interesting” dates all came in waves because not too long after that I had a date with another one. It seemed they had all created a clan, the clan to try every way possible to make me lose my faith in the male gender. Me being a brave soldier and all still kept standing strong.

We are going to call this one the NERD. Because he resembled Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. What distinguished this one is that we went out for dinner and when we got there he ordered a pizza for us to share,  and also ONE coke for us to also share. The pizza was a personal one and in no way was it meant to be shared, and sharing a coke…how old are we? We are also NOT in 1950 where sharing a milkshake is considered romantic.

At one point the waitress tried so suggest that we should order a larger pizza to share but he wouldn’t have it. Refills also cost extra so we had to make this one coke last. Not only that, but I noticed that he did NOT tip the waitress. After the date he asked me if he would get a kiss for taking me out to dinner. I wondered who he had been taking on dates before because I was sure not impressed.

At the time I wanted to cry and was so disappointed in all of mankind. Why did they have to plot against me!! I just wanted a normal date, was that too much to ask for.

Unfortunately these awful dates do not end here, but stay tuned for post 2!

Mckenzie