Mr. Awkward

4 Dec

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?

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11 Responses to “Mr. Awkward”

  1. adamsdaughter December 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    Oh my god I can’t believe this actually happened to you! haha, it sounds like something out of a movie.

    “Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.” Creepy, yet hilarious 🙂

    I would certainly not expect a second chance if I behaved that way, I’d be too embarrassed!

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE December 4, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

      Hahaha, it does sound like it’s out of a movie doesn’t it?
      I suppose online dating increases your chances of meeting a lot of people, DIFFERENT kinds of people, some quite interesting!

      If the roles were reversed and I was the drunk one I would be far too embarrassed as well!

      Thanks for reading 🙂

  2. nelle December 4, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    In February 1976, someone I’d dated a couple of times, invited me to a floor party at her dorm. A friend was the resident assistant, so I guess I’d have been there either way 😉 but sure, lets do it. Before the party, she remarks how she had never been sick from drinking alcohol. Me, seasoned at such unpleasantness and who tried damn hard to avoid it, just smirked over the comment.

    Three or four hours later, I stood in her room, holding a trash can in front of her so she wouldn’t hurl on the floor or me.

  3. riatarded December 4, 2011 at 10:24 pm #

    hey guys! if i need to contact you regarding something. What do I do?

    Also, the first time I noticed my boyfriend he was punch drunk due to the excessive amounts of alcohol he had consumed and my first thoughts about him were, “JACKASS!” However there was an explanation for his behavior; college 😉 So when he asked me out on a date, I decided not to hold that incident against him.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE December 4, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

      Hahaha well that’s good, and from my belief you guys have been together for some time so I guess it was worth it.

      That’s a good point, we will add a “Contact Us” section to the blog but for now : brookeandmckenzie@gmail.com

      Thanks 🙂

      • riatarded December 4, 2011 at 11:00 pm #

        Yup! it’s been 5 years or so! Gosh! I feel like I am married but looking at the dating scene I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on much 😛

        I sent you an email! my email address is mapleria at gmail.com just in case it ended up in the spam folder.

  4. will date for free food December 6, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    I actually dated someone on and off for about 2 years (during college, of course) that would get black-out drunk 2-3 times a week. He had some blood disorder that made his blood thinner then it should be… so he was a super light-weight and would get to the black-out stage before I was even at my “buzzed” stage. Worst 2-years of my life. THANK GOD I’m not that naive anymore!!

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE December 6, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

      That sounds awful. I once dated a diabetic who would also drink to the point where he would black out, once he had to be rushed to the hospital but that didn’t stop him from drinking himself into unconsciousness over and over again. Guess I learned from that because this time around I really wanted nothing to do with it!

  5. BougieHippie December 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    LMAO this would only happen to you!!!!

  6. umcheckplease December 11, 2011 at 11:14 am #

    HAHAHA this is classic! I’m picturing this bumbling fool walking around clumsily and starting to think he might have some sort of balance issue. Then based on the rest of the story it appears he may also have cognitive problems. Hilarious nonetheless.

    Also, have to take a minute here and vent about when guys tell you to come meet up with them and their friends. First of all … NO. Second of all if he wants to see you, let him come to you. Third of all, you barely know him so why would he think you would want to put yourself in a position where you have to get to know him AND his friends at the same time when everyone is drunk? I always pass on those types of encounters.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE December 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

      Glad you enjoyed it. That is an excellent point, he should come to you, why should we have to venture to go meet him (whoever he may be). It was an awful encounter and I definitely learned the hard way to NOT ever do that again!

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