Mr. Awkward

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?

First date nuts?

To be honest with you, despite the amount I talk about men and the dating world, I haven’t been on a true planned date for a while. That is until two days ago when I had one. I was asked out by who we call “salt and pepper.” After hanging out innocently for a couple of nights, he said he wanted to take me on a date. He seems (even now) really interested in me because we do have a lot in common. Also, the first time I hung out with him I saw that he had a POF account accidentally (meaning I was looking for it) on his computer, which I jokingly pointed out. So I know he’s in the market for a girlfriend I just didn’t expect meeting a guy like him so fast. Let me describe him for you. He’s a manager of a store, 27, muscles and a cute butt. More importantly he has a great head of hair that is nicely going a little silver with some salt and pepper.

I like this very much since men with a little visible age are pretty nice to look at, and for some reason they seem full of wisdom. I think it made me disregard the fact that he’s from a bad part of Toronto and his grammar skills aren’t up to par. Anyways; my date, I went to his apartment and picked him up (no car, another point against him) to go somewhere I wasn’t sure of. He told me to just “drive straight.” We stopped at the Bulk Barn and got a bag of peanuts, which I obviously asked what they were for. He said it was a surprise but they definitely had to do with our date. Peanuts to start a date? I thought that was how dates ended…

So we kept “driving straight” and then I made a left into a dark park. He said to me that this had been planned for daylight but it didn’t matter too much. We went into the park, where he started spewing facts about squirrels. Red ones, black ones, I don’t know what other ones but there were more. He wanted to feed them! They were all asleep, but the attempt was cute.  Then he pulled out a sweater and water bottles from a bag he had so I wouldn’t be cold, and we sat there for a bit. How cute is that! We talked about cliché things like the stars as well as facts he likes to throw at me, which I adore. I love random facts about something in the world, and he is full of them.

After some kisses we headed off to our next part of our date, which was still a surprise of course, and ended up at a bowling alley. Maybe to you this is a typical first date but to me, well… I haven’t been to one in 10 years so apparently it’s not so common. He paid for everything without hesitation and we got our horrible smelly shoes and got ready to bowl. The realism of the fact that I hadn’t been bowling in that long showed in the first game when I failed miserably. However, I kicked his ass after a lesson and won the second game. I think he tried to play it off that he was letting me win but I saw the sadness in his eyes.

I don’t do guys who let me win easily.

 

After this we went to his place and watched a movie and made the hell out, among other things. Maybe you think I’m a floozy but you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t enjoy that fact.

I can’t decide if I liked it or not. He told me a fact that a small percentage of men can’t … Finish? During sex. This is interesting to know especially by his skill showing that he had experimented enough. The problem is I just know that after 2 hours I can’t possibly do anything anymore and it makes me frustrated if the guy keeps trying. It’s been two hours, the moment is gone. Despite the fact that it was focused on me and that was delectable, I think it raises the bar for when I have to find a way to make him happy at the end.

When guys have this happen, it is almost a turn off. I know it’s not their fault but really I just can’t spend so much time thinking about sex and keeping in the mind set. When I want it I want it and maybe I’m selfish but I want everyone to be happy then relax after and have a good night. Now I know if he wants to hang out again it will likely end up being another 2 hour session and at the moment I just really don’t have the time or the body for that!

If I have work and a schedule to keep I can’t go over for an innocent hang out expecting to be back at a reasonable time. Do I sound like a grandma? Maybe so, but the fact is I’ve had enough experiences to know that great sex doesn’t need to last two hours with no end in sight. So was the date a win or a loss?

You can decide.