The Club Life

Do you remember when you were young, or last night if you are young, and you had that moment of “What am I doing here?” Well, some people know it well and some people only know it once or twice because they love the life. I’m one who gets it all the time and I wonder if the next time is the time that will be fun. I’ve found it’s only easy to spend time at a club if you’re with a great group of friends, love to dance, or are a drunk skunk. Now that I’m in my mid twenties, I find that it’s best to spend time positively, and turn any situation you are uncomfortable with into a good one. Last weekend McKenzie and I went to a club, which happened to be empty, as it was a Sunday night. We have had some rough times this month and needed a weekend filled with activities. At this empty club, we were being hit on by the men… Well the type of men that go to clubs on a Sunday night. Seeing as these men are not our type, we were feeling a bit down and didn’t know how to perk up. All of a sudden, we wondered why we were feeling down? Did we actually expect to have a good time socializing with Sunday nightclub hoppers? Not really. Instead, we decided to make the best of a bad situation.

We went out in the middle of the dance floor which only had about three people on it, one of which was on a stripper pole. Sunday night pole dance? Apparently so. We went out on that dance floor and I challenged McKenzie to dance as foolish as we could and appear as though we were serious. We started dancing and then legs came out flying with moves you haven’t seen since Night at the Roxbury. It ended up being one of the most fun nights of the weekend, which had nothing to do with being picked up by men or having too many drinks. Afterwards, we finished the night with some cheap Chinese food. A fantastic night.

I always wonder how those girls that go to the club weekly handle it. We used to go out at least two times a week, and we were girls like that but weren’t too into the neon light club scene with the beats and the black lights that make people’s stained teeth show. We were the type to find our favourite place and party the hell out of it, until we became regulars and moved on. As we’ve grown throughout the years, every so often we come back to a place we have visited before and wonder why we’re there. It’s not the scene we’re into anymore, though we clearly still love to dance… and drink.

Last night I went out for a friend’s birthday party at a club. It was a club with Spanish music on one side and Gangsta beats on the other. Typical stuff with stages filled with girls and neon lights hurting my eyes. It was filled with men who feel it’s their right to grab your hand (ass) while you walk by. It was filled with people that talk 3 centimeters away from your face as if that’s a normal space. And finally, it’s a place that if you’re not drunk, you’re screwed. Seeing as I was that sober person, I found myself just observing the people in the club. There was a guy who literally was swinging his pelvis back and forth and pulsing and grabbing his air woman. There was a 40-year-old man who thought his beer belly didn’t get in the way when people were walking by him. There were women with their spare tires hanging out, and women who looked as gorgeous as any celebrity. After four hours of observing and literally taking my hand and pushing faces away from mine, I was done and drove home, spending the cab ride back to my car with a van full of drunk, pelvis-thrusting men who kept calling me Blondie and asking why I was ignoring them.

The conclusion of this is nothing more than the fact that I am so thankful my friends don’t throw their pelvises back and forth, and that we can make a bad situation fun. It’s just too bad that none of them were with me last night. But not all was bad; I got birthday cake… And I most definitely ate the whole thing while sitting there with a fork merely observing.

Mr. Awkward

I would like to share my date with Mr. Awkward. I have nicknamed him that because he fits the definition of awkward so well that it is kind of ridiculous but funny at the same time.

After we met online after a few weeks of text messaging, we finally set up a day and time to meet. Luckily or unluckily enough; he happened to be living just a block from me, what a coincidence!

The plans involved coffee and walking around the city, talking and getting to know one another. Within the first two minutes of seeing him, he smiled at me and started to walk towards me but as he was walking he bumped into the handlebars of a bike that was chained to a pole on the sidewalk. We laughed about it and I thought it was a good way to start off the date; humour definitely can calm down those first date jitters.  I soon realized that this was not the first or last time he was going to be bumping or walking into something. Within the hour that we were walking, he stumbled over his own feet about five times, got his sleeve caught in a doorknob as someone was coming out of a store , spilled coffee all over himself and would constantly do the awkward shuffle when people walking in front of him would try to get around us.

At first it was funny and I brushed it off but afterwards I realized he was a huge klutz. We ended the night by getting ice cream and sitting in a park talking. The date was actually not bad disregarding the fact that he told me he was taking classes for hypnosis and could hypnotize anyone.That kind of sounded weird to me, what if he hypnotized me and tried to get all the dirt on me? Thankfully we didn’t get into that, or did we? Maybe I was hypnotized and have no recollection of it! Guess I’ll never know now.

Despite his clumsiness and the talk about hypnosis, I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was being too harsh judging him on a first date. Maybe he was very shy and nervous the first time around and he was kind of cute too.  We were supposed to meet for sushi on the Sunday at a nearby place but Saturday night he messaged me late at night after the bar. He was at an all-you- can eat sushi place up my street with his friends and he wanted me to join him. I had been out that night too and had a few drinks so I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I did not want to do anything“stupid” as I was taking the dating thing seriously and I also did not think  seeing each other drunk or meeting his friends the second time we saw each other would be the best idea.

He finally convinced me to go so I walked over there. His friends were extremely annoying and within ten minutes I wanted to leave.  There were guys in the group as well as girls who from the impression I got, seemed to be their girlfriends. The girls were extremely critical and were badmouthing each other the minute one of them would leave the restaurant. Mr.Awkward was clearly more intoxicated than anybody else because the whole time we were there, he was staring off into space completely inebriated out of his mind and not saying one word.

After an hour or so, we were the last two people there and finally decided to leave and walk back home. He said he would “walk” me home and I say “walk” in quotes because when we stepped outside of the restaurant he could barely stand let alone walk. He seemed to have turned into Jell-O and lost all control of his legs so unfortunately LUCKY me; I had to help him walk home. I had to drag him across the street as he tripped over his own feet, this was not very attractive and clearly I had no desire to ever see him again whatsoever. It seemed like ages before we reached my house and since mine was on the way to his he convinced me that he would make it home alright from there. At thispoint I really did not care to have a 200 pound man hanging off of me, which resembleda jelly fish so I told him to have a goodnight and was about to walk away. But, just when I thought the night couldn’t get anymore interesting, he leaned over, threw himself on me and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on my mouth. I stood there frozen, unsure of what to do but slowly pushed him away, said goodnight and ran inside, he muttered some drunk mumble jumble which might have been “Goodnight” but I really did not care at this point.

The next day (Sunday) he text messaged me saying that he wasn’t feeling so great for our sushi date. I told him based on the amount he drank the night before I completely figure that would happen. He tried to make excuses or justify himself but I think he realized he had embarrassed himself and used the hangover as an excuse. I truly do believe that if anyone in the dating world is serious about meeting a mate, seeing them drunk out of your mind or drinking like a goldfish on a date is really the biggest mistake one can make. Maybe he felt that alcohol would give him the confidence he lacked on the first date but the second time around was probably even worse.

For obvious reasons, we never spoke again, then about a year later when I joined the online dating site again, I noticed he had viewed my profile but did not message me; I wonder why!

Have you ever had an experience where either you or your date got a bit too drunk? How did you react to that, would you give them another chance?

Would you expect a second chance is that was you?