Tag Archives: relationships

How I Met my Boyfriend…

9 Aug

We blog about online dating quite often as we have both turned to it in the past to help us hopefully find a soul mate. I often wrote about how I did not imagine meeting a soul mate drunkenly at the bar because it felt as if they were always there, trying to pick up any female walking by and get her drunk enough to make her feel that she is special.

One night, when I was least expecting it and when I had only been at the bar for a short enough period of time, I ended up meeting my current love of my life.

I usually do not have the best memory but vividly remember almost everything about the night we met.

Every time I look back it reminds me out of a scene from a Tim Burton movie I love, “Big Fish”:

“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true. What they don’t tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.”

I remember looking at each other and smiling and the memory is still in my mind, and following that single event the way our relationship progressed was extra fast, but wonderful in all the right ways.

I had arrived at the bar quite late to meet my friends and had only been there for an hour or so and had only had enough time to have one drink. Brooke was way ahead of me with drinks and having a great time when, as per usual at the bar, some drunken fool started approaching us. I told him several times to leave us alone but he seemed to really enjoy pissing me off and kept showing off his dance  moves, which resembled a monkey by the way in front of me. At one point he stood in front of me and started flailing his arms around, and as I turned into the crowd, I made eye contact with who then was a stranger and (apparently) made a disgusted face at him asking for rescue from this drunken freak.

He came over to me and started talking and one conversation lead to another, lead to another and time flew by so fast that it was already last call and the bar was closing. He had only been there for less than an hour too so we were both fully sober to be able to have intelligent conversations. We had quite a lot in common, loved the same TV shows, both have careers that we are growing into and seemed to have the same sense of humour.

We somehow fit perfectly together from that day on, and the first date, the second and every other day after that. We spent so much time together, not because we felt we HAD to but because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company that we are moving in together. We decided that all the decisions we have made and will continue to make will not be to conform by what standards people say a relationship ought to follow or not follow. It is a gut feeling and when it happens, both people agree and see eye to eye and this is something rare and amazing for me having experienced the complete opposite in the past.

I remember one day having a conversation with him and the words that came out of his mouth were: “I don’t think you have ever dated someone like me because you would still have been with them to this day.” It gave me goose bumps because I knew that it was the truth.

So why did this relationship work for me but online dating failed?

Because we both happened to be at the right place at the right time, not just physically that night at the bar but in our lives. Maybe somehow the universe aligned and things happen because it was fate (if you believe in it) or maybe things are a series of random events. I don’t really know what I believe in but I am happier than ever before and most importantly I am with someone that is sure about being with me. Unlike the experience I had before with someone who was constantly confused until one day he was confused about me.

Online dating provided a good understanding for me of what attributes I liked in someone and which ones I disliked. But I found many of the men I met online had various issues. Some still lived at home in their 30’s, had unsteady jobs or jobs that were not so great, they had no aspirations and future plans and they were generally confused without much direction. It seems they all turned to online dating to not necessarily build a relationship but to hopefully find themselves. What they didn’t realize is that by turning to online dating, it means that another person may become involved and feelings often get hurt.

The important aspect about dating in general and online dating is finding yourself and making yourself someone that has various things to offer to a relationship. It is not fair to find someone to give you direction because they are not your parent or teacher, they are your partner and ought to be looking towards the same direction as you.

So next time you try online dating, already have a profile or are frustrated. Turn all that off and head out somewhere social. That wonderful person who has a career and is very busy may not have the time to dedicate to an online dating profile, but he may have the time to catch up with a friend that night and who knows, you may bump into him.

The Break Up

21 Mar

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie

The Sex Strike

10 Jan

So as you are all likely aware this was the first week back from the holidays. Perhaps some of you were back before, but it was the first real week back for school kids and all the stragglers from the offices. This was also the week I got extremely down from reality. I was on the Subway and reflected on the past year in men. I had some ups, some downs, some never ending lovers. I also had a relationship that ended quite roughly creating some much needed rebound sex. Once I got to my stop on the line, I wondered, what’s the point. The men from 2011 fit into the following categories: man whores, guys from my past (which I already advised you against), one nighters, guys that simply didn’t care, or friends. What is enticing about that? Nothing. Although fun, and much needed, I discovered that even my relationship was unsatisfying in the end. The problem is I couldn’t care enough about any of those men.

Its safe to say my judgement has been pretty bad and I haven’t listened to my heart. My heart is the one who has been hurting, screaming at me telling me I’m going down the wrong path with men. No kidding, if I weren’t down the wrong path, this blog wouldn’t have me in it. It sure makes for entertaining stories though!

After realizing that I knew what I was doing but who I was doing it with were all wrong, I decided on my subway stop to make a pact. A pact with myself. This is when I decided to listen to the heart, and put in place, the sex strike of 2012. I have made a pact with myself to keep my body untouched until I am with a guy who I ACTUALLY like and who GENUINELY likes me back. No, it doesn’t have to be love but it does need to be reciprocal. Being one who does not necessarily do relationships, I think this is the biggest challenge for me. I’m in my mid 20’s, and its time to treat my body and sanity like the awesome bitch that it is. Hell, ill still tell you about my past sexcapades because they’re hilarious, but as for new stories I hope not to have any ones to tell you… Although I know a few of you enjoy the warm and fuzzy stories (that I have never told).
Do you ever feel like you’re meant for better? I do. I may be a hopeless romantic; I really wouldn’t call myself one. Everyone just has a little hopeless romantic in them. I just think its a challenge that I need. Its been 10 days and it’s already difficult, I can feel myself getting angry at the men I know because they don’t care as they should… And I really enjoy sexcapades!!! But its time for better things (men), so here goes the dates of 2012 to hunt for a guy who is special.

Your sexless friend,

Brooke

Our Guest Blog on Will Date for Free Food: How I met him on an online dating site

13 Dec

Hey guys,we are very excited to share with you our guest post today on one of our favourite blogs- Will Date for Free Food. In this post Mckenzie talks about meeting her boyfriend on an online dating site and the positive side to online dating. Check it out and make sure to read their blog for similar posts to ours, we love them and they are our blog soulmates but all the way in Boston!

How I met him on an online dating site – Guest Blog.

Confidence is Key

11 Dec

We truly do believe that confidence is key.

Many years ago, our confidence was very different than what it is today. As they say “we’ve come a long way baby” and we are very happy to be in a place where we are happy with our level of confidence and have enjoyed the benefits this brings. It took us a while to get where we are but it was well worth it in the end.

When we were younger, we both had long-term relationships that we look back on and realize we could have definitely had higher standards. We obviously cannot blame our teen selves because we really did not know any better. As the years went by we gained more experience; not just relationship experience but life experience. We realize that our standards have become higher and we know our own self worth, what we deserve, and we are not afraid to get it. When we became close friends, we really motivated each other to take on new challenges and find the courage that had been missing before. We ended our unhappy relationships and moved on to dating which taught us to set various standards in our lives. Through this, we not only built confidence by motivating one another but also by some of the relationships we had, some bad and some good, we now know that we deserve.

(Brooke) Confidence is something that both Mckenzie and I have decided is the major factor in getting the attention you want and deserve. I actually put this theory to test with my girlfriend. She is a tall girl, likes taller guys and her self-confidence is almost at the bottom of the barrel. One night we went out for drinks and I said to her: “Let’s get some drinks” as she got her wallet out, I said: “I mean let’s get a guy to buy us a drink.” Yes to some of you it may not be the way you like to live, but we call us old fashioned, we believe it’s nice when a guy offers to buy you a drink. Why not? It’s worked for years.
So she said to me that I would have to lead because I’m the one who is going to get the drinks. I asked her “Why would I?” She said I was thinner, blonde and cute. I said, “No the reason I would get drinks is because I’m confident. I’m so confident in fact that I’m going to make a bet with you that if you give the illusion of confidence, you can get what you want (at least for the time being). “ I bet her a drink. I told her to find a guy and just look at them not breaking eye contact for three seconds. If you break eye contact it gives the appearance you aren’t interested and you want them to think you are. So, she found a guy, smiled as I suggested and held her gaze. He walked by three more times, each time she continued smiling at my request. I appreciated her doing this that’s for sure even though it was to put one of our “theories” to the test. He finally came up to her and said: “Can I get you and your friend a drink, I think you’re intriguing.” Now if that wasn’t created in a few glances, I don’t know how someone can argue that confidence is not key!

Another example we have is a friend we may have referred to in some of our posts. She was in a five-year relationship where she was constantly treated like a doormat. She is an intelligent and beautiful woman and we constantly have to remind her that she can have anyone and anything she wants. The problem? She does not think she deserves better or can get better if she tried. We have been in situations where we were sitting in a bar and an attractive guy would approach her, she would suddenly freeze and not share anything about herself with them because she thinks she would just bore them.  In other situations, where we have pushed her and reminded her self worth constantly, she has definitely made progress in at least making an effort to talk to a new guy even though it still has not gone anywhere.

This theory applies to more than just picking up men, with work, school, even shopping. Sure, you won’t give them a smirk or a wink but you can change the way you behave in order to make people react the way you want them to. Yes, some is manipulation, but you must be confident in any manipulation, in yourself, in everything. If you are self conscious, join the club because we all are. Nobody is perfect and we must accept our flaws as part of the whole package. Even if you do not feel you are perfect, we just don’t need to inform everybody of the fact that we feel that way by avoiding somebody’s gaze, settling for unhappy relationships and letting people walk all over us. If there is that hot guy you have had your eye on, what makes you think you don’t deserve to talk to him? We must continue to remind ourselves that we can get whatever we wish for and confidence will come. And if confidence does not happen in a matter of seconds, alcohol has been known for years to help; don’t they call it liquid confidence after all? If liquid confidence is what you need, well at least it can steer you in the right direction!

 

The Life of Body Hair

27 Nov

This is a very important subject that we all need to deal with at some point in our lives. It is the issue of body hair. What’s too much, and what’s too little?  I personally like a man who has some chest hair, scruff, and a trimmed downstairs. I don’t need it completely weeded, and I don’t need it flowing and wild like Rapunzel. I am a middle ground type of girl and always have been, and boy do I like it when it’s just right. Recently it has come to my attention that there are three types of men when it comes to body hair. The first is the type that has body hair everywhere… especially downstairs where it is mucho wild. He doesn’t trim, he just has a layer of carpet all over. The second is the middle man, who trims, and leaves it tidy enough so us ladies can find our way. I like this man. Thirdly, there’s the guy that lost all his hair! I ask, where did it go? Did some little waxing fairy come by and say “Hay boy, you’d look sweet for the ladies if you looked like a baby boy, let me take care of that for you.”  To me, this isn’t my thing, but recently I’ve been getting some bald eagles. He has some on his legs, some on his face but even his arm hair seems trimmed. The rest isn’t trimmed, it’s gone. Like brand new baby gone. Why would a man decide to do that? He isn’t manly, like a lumberjack, when he feels like a baby’s ass. To me, I need a man who feels like a man. Calluses on the hands, hair on the body just enough that it’s visible that he’s a guy and it offers some stimulation.

For the men who are naturally lacking hair, that’s fine. I don’t judge that, lack of chest hair is doable. However, if the downstairs is not trimmed, I’m not going to run away but I’m certainly going to write about it in a post. If I have everything neat and tidy, doesn’t it trigger the thought that maybe, just maybe he should put some effort in? If he’s nervous about scissors near your junk, or a trimmer, have no fear, take your time or ask a friend. They’re always there to help, no?

I must admit that I have waxed a friend’s back before and I didn’t mind one bit. Perhaps it was the fact that I was ripping hair out of his back and laughing wildly while doing so, but nonetheless he had a beautifully (red) hairless back at the end. He was happy with the results and asked me why no one had told him about it before. I do have a problem telling men to fix something. It is something my lovely McKenzie doesn’t have a problem with and I love her for her honesty, but I can never find the right words to help them correct something that’s just not working for them.

I’d like to use Waxed Back as an example of perfect distribution of body hair. He had the chest hair going on that, as far as I remember, was trimmed not shaved to the bone or waxed off (nothing worse than feeling stubble rub on my chest). His lower region was trimmed and well maintained. It was much appreciated. Then I had the boyfriend who would shave everything. EVERYTHING. (Why was he my boyfriend? I keep asking myself this.) He would get his chest hair going, and I would be happy finally that my chest wasn’t rubbed red by his stubble. Stubble on the chest is not attractive. I know he hated his chest hair because it would turn into carpet man if he let it, but I hated when I came home once in a while and would see my boyfriend naked as a mole rat and he would try having sex with me, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It didn’t help when all I could feel was skin… It also doesn’t help that I’m gagging while writing this.

I have noticed over the years, however, men with it trimmed or shaved are more likely to have a lot of sex rather than the men who nicely trim or leave it wild. It almost gives me a story of who this man is. The shaved or waxed man is likely to be a ladies man, thinking he is greater than he is and adding many to his list of babes (yes, it was the case with my ex). The wild man is likely to be more inexperienced, recently (or still) married, or a long-term relationship guy. This works for me, but again, how do you tell him that going down there isn’t going to be as enjoyable when I’m flossing my teeth? The man who trims neat enough may just not like the look of a bush engulfing his little fella. In any case, what a man does to his body hair tells a tale of who he is. Keep that in mind the next time you are with a new man and you see what’s making headlines in the pants.

Desperate Women

24 Nov

What makes a desperate woman?

It’s one thing to judge others and call them “desperate” but when you look in the mirror can you see aspects of yourself that could be labeled as “desperate” as well? We sure can, and sadly enough while we can acknowledge it, we often find ourselves repeating this behaviour because either we are comfortable with it or we don’t know how to change it.

Let’s start off by listing some behavioural patterns that make one appear to be desperate based on some research we have done:

  1. Texting someone constantly and wondering why they have not replied within 15   minutes
  2. Getting frustrated that they haven’t replied and sending them angry messages
  3.  Constantly seeking the attention of someone you are interested in or are dating (this includes numbers 1 and 2 as well as wanting to be attached at the hip with them without any breathing room)
  4. Always being in a relationship or with someone in general
  5. Talking to ten different people via text to the point where you lose track of the conversations
  6. Gathering up as many dates as possible through online dating sites within a week and15+ in a month
  7. Dating someone who is far below your standards but settling for them because you don’t know if you can do better and you would like a boyfriend right now
  8. Being in a relationship with someone that mistreats you and tells you openly they don’t see the relationship going anywhere
  9. Staying with someone that cheats on you (repeatedly)
  10. Being in a relationship with someone that buys you an umbrella as a birthday present ( yes this happened to one of our friends)
  11. Being with someone that you know will never propose to you but willing to buy yourself an engagement ring to give to them so they can give to you (refer to #9, this is the same friend and this was a 5 year plus relationship)
  12. Sacrificing your own beliefs and values and compromising your true self because you don’t want to lose someone
  13. Being constantly afraid that someone does not love you as much as they say and will dump you and constantly bringing this up to them and questioning why they are with you
  14. Getting pregnant to purposely lock someone with you for life
  15. Agreeing with everything the other person says and not having any opinions of your own (everybody likes to be in a relationship where they are challenged)
  16. Creating a “Wedding Ideas” album/folder/Pinterest when you don’t even have a boyfriend or you are not engaged
  17. Going on the Bachelorette/Bachelor

After reading the list, unfortunately we can both agree that we fit into many of them. Now don’t mind us if we go and sulk in a dark corner, watch cheesy romance movies, eat too much chocolate and wipe our tears away. Just kidding, but really; it’s important to understand why we act this way. Is it society? Is it past experiences? Or is it watching those around us that seem to be finding their soul mates and we wonder, where is our prince charming!

Desperate is not having the words DESPERATE written across your forehead but there can be subtle hints of desperation and we can fit into many of these categories to a certain degree. We believe most of our fears or anxieties towards any relationship has been influenced by past relationships that clearly have failed, unfortunately making it very difficult to let our guard down for fear of being hurt. I (Mckenzie) find that I start to lose interest in relationships if I don’t feel that the person is giving me enough attention or making an effort to show me that they want me. I guess I start to feel some insecurity inside and wonder if they’ve changed their minds or if they are no longer interested. I like to be up front with them regarding the relationship and “evaluating” where we stand, maybe not because they need to know but mainly because I feel that I need to know.

We see desperate girls every day, even when looking in the mirror. (Brooke) I know that I find it hard to date one guy, spend a lot of time with him, and walk out of it feeling nothing. It’s not that I need constant attention, but when I don’t get it from a guy I like, I really feel like there’s a need not being filled.

I guess I deal with it in a different way, by going on dates with other guys and trying to avoid those feelings. As I go on these secondary dates, I always wonder why the first guy is still not messaging me. Then I think, wow I’m an extremely needy girl who can’t be alone. I like to think this isn’t true, when sometimes it is. I like to be liked. I like to be chased after, and most guys don’t have a problem with that.

The problem is that the guys who chase me turn out to be the wrong guys for me because they too, are needy. I need the guy who doesn’t message me every moment of the day. I am pretty unstable when it comes to my thoughts and I don’t know if I want a boyfriend half of the time or if I want a boner buddy. I switch my thoughts weighing the pro’s and con’s and decide that I have no time for anything but what I have now so I need to relax. This cycle happens every so often and then stops for a couple of weeks and repeats. It’s one of the most annoying things, but I can agree that it is an act of desperation because the attention-starved-back-in-the-high-school-days-girl won’t let go of the fact that he didn’t text me back.

 

Are we right in describing these actions as desperate or is it normal? Do we try to change these aspects of ourselves, and if so how?