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Does Age Matter?

27 Sep

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How do you know when the guy you’re dating is too young for you? Well you ask yourself. Do I see myself with him a year from now? A month from now? Am I happy about that? Do I get bothered by the fact that he talks about the future without necessarily mentioning me in it? Does it bother me that his friends live with him? Does it matter that he has batman bed sheets?

Well, the trend of dating a younger guy has always been around though maybe not that obviously. As we transition from mid to late twenties, we start wondering what we want in the next few years. I’ve asked a few friends what they think about dating their younger boyfriend. They tell me the same thing every time. It’s fun, easy, and I don’t really have to think about it. That’s all well and good because in many lives, boyfriends have been a hassle that have been a complicated mess, and a younger guy appears as an effortless good time. That is, until things become more complicated. After all, they’re still guys and one of you will inevitably fall for the other if enough time is invested.

I remember dating a guy who was six years older than me. It didn’t mean his maturity level was six years older, that’s for sure. After all, he’s a guy. I truly believe our maturity levels will always be different. You’re just best to stick with someone whose maturity level is good with yours- younger or older. Anyways, this six-year-older boyfriend had a level of maturity that I thought was more mature at the beginning. As time wore on, I saw more and more of a childish, self-absorbed “funnyman” who thought he was my gift from God.

One day my “gift from God” took a picture. He had just been in the washroom and came back with a photo. Well, what do you think that picture was of? His poop. Yup, he had taken a big poop and just thought he should take a picture and share it with me. Safe to say, he was out of my house that night. I couldn’t imagine dating a poop-loving gift from God.

Maturity levels can range far and wide, from a 22 year old being more intellectually developed than a 36 year old. I’ve dated both, and honestly can’t find one factor that says consistently: older men are better than younger guys. I can’t say the opposite either.

The conclusion I came to after discussing this with my friends was just the fact that as we get older, some of us fear settling down and think a younger guy will not be as serious. The ladies who are more than comfortable with the fact that more and more guys are looking to settle down are content with going for the one they connect with, who usually happens to be the same age or older.

My sister, for example, is seeing a younger guy. He’s 3 or 4 years younger and she is in her late twenties. Two years ago she was seeing an older guy who was the guy you could see yourself marrying (well… I couldn’t because he was bald and fat, and a douche who thought my opinions were idiotic) and the relationship was a disaster. This is another story, but as people do, they look for rebound. Though we’re not that close, I’m sure she had a one nighter or two, but she eventually started dating this guy who was younger because it was just fun. Well, they’ve been together for a year and a half now, and are looking to move in together in the next year. She plans to marry him. I can’t tell the future, but I can say that what started out as a fun thing about age turned into a serious thing where age doesn’t matter.

Age is just something that makes us feel better by putting a guy or ourselves into a category. The truth is, it’s all unpredictable. Just date who you want, sleep with who you want (as long as they’re legal age and you’re not a creeper) and just have a good time. Whether you want it or not, life happens and you can’t say where you’ll be in two or three years from now… Just don’t date a guy who shows you a picture of poop.

 

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Oh, Hey… Where have you been?

21 Sep

 

Hello!

Well it has been a busy summer. McKenzie and I have definitely neglected you, and to apologize we have a beautiful man and babe photo to suit readers of both sexes. Also, if that doesn’t do it for you, we have a new post on it’s way. This summer was filled with travel, work, new relationships, new ridiculousness, and then me spilling water on my laptop and not being able to afford a new one to keep up with the blog. NOW that time is over!

Glad to be back!

How I Met my Boyfriend…

9 Aug

We blog about online dating quite often as we have both turned to it in the past to help us hopefully find a soul mate. I often wrote about how I did not imagine meeting a soul mate drunkenly at the bar because it felt as if they were always there, trying to pick up any female walking by and get her drunk enough to make her feel that she is special.

One night, when I was least expecting it and when I had only been at the bar for a short enough period of time, I ended up meeting my current love of my life.

I usually do not have the best memory but vividly remember almost everything about the night we met.

Every time I look back it reminds me out of a scene from a Tim Burton movie I love, “Big Fish”:

“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true. What they don’t tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.”

I remember looking at each other and smiling and the memory is still in my mind, and following that single event the way our relationship progressed was extra fast, but wonderful in all the right ways.

I had arrived at the bar quite late to meet my friends and had only been there for an hour or so and had only had enough time to have one drink. Brooke was way ahead of me with drinks and having a great time when, as per usual at the bar, some drunken fool started approaching us. I told him several times to leave us alone but he seemed to really enjoy pissing me off and kept showing off his dance  moves, which resembled a monkey by the way in front of me. At one point he stood in front of me and started flailing his arms around, and as I turned into the crowd, I made eye contact with who then was a stranger and (apparently) made a disgusted face at him asking for rescue from this drunken freak.

He came over to me and started talking and one conversation lead to another, lead to another and time flew by so fast that it was already last call and the bar was closing. He had only been there for less than an hour too so we were both fully sober to be able to have intelligent conversations. We had quite a lot in common, loved the same TV shows, both have careers that we are growing into and seemed to have the same sense of humour.

We somehow fit perfectly together from that day on, and the first date, the second and every other day after that. We spent so much time together, not because we felt we HAD to but because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company that we are moving in together. We decided that all the decisions we have made and will continue to make will not be to conform by what standards people say a relationship ought to follow or not follow. It is a gut feeling and when it happens, both people agree and see eye to eye and this is something rare and amazing for me having experienced the complete opposite in the past.

I remember one day having a conversation with him and the words that came out of his mouth were: “I don’t think you have ever dated someone like me because you would still have been with them to this day.” It gave me goose bumps because I knew that it was the truth.

So why did this relationship work for me but online dating failed?

Because we both happened to be at the right place at the right time, not just physically that night at the bar but in our lives. Maybe somehow the universe aligned and things happen because it was fate (if you believe in it) or maybe things are a series of random events. I don’t really know what I believe in but I am happier than ever before and most importantly I am with someone that is sure about being with me. Unlike the experience I had before with someone who was constantly confused until one day he was confused about me.

Online dating provided a good understanding for me of what attributes I liked in someone and which ones I disliked. But I found many of the men I met online had various issues. Some still lived at home in their 30’s, had unsteady jobs or jobs that were not so great, they had no aspirations and future plans and they were generally confused without much direction. It seems they all turned to online dating to not necessarily build a relationship but to hopefully find themselves. What they didn’t realize is that by turning to online dating, it means that another person may become involved and feelings often get hurt.

The important aspect about dating in general and online dating is finding yourself and making yourself someone that has various things to offer to a relationship. It is not fair to find someone to give you direction because they are not your parent or teacher, they are your partner and ought to be looking towards the same direction as you.

So next time you try online dating, already have a profile or are frustrated. Turn all that off and head out somewhere social. That wonderful person who has a career and is very busy may not have the time to dedicate to an online dating profile, but he may have the time to catch up with a friend that night and who knows, you may bump into him.

Peace and Pie

23 Jul

On my trip to central Asia I wanted to search for honesty in love that I could find in strangers I met on the road. On this two-month discovery, I looked and looked but realized it was so difficult to find obvious signs of love in a culture that appreciates modesty.

Instead, I did what I do, and figured I’d search for “inner peace” as travelers often do, but I have done with no luck before. It’s not myself I was looking for, but a clarification of what I wanted in my life. I had several horrible 18-hour bus rides, and since I get bus-with-no-road sick I only had time and an iPod to keep my mind busy. I would think about everything from what I value in a man or friends to what I wanted most from home at that time (turns out it was coconut cream pie).  I thought about how I hadn’t put makeup on for the time I had been in this country for the first time in years, and how it was freeing. Especially since I got asked out three times by older, attractive men… Stories to follow later.  I thought about where I wanted to be long-term, and who I wanted to be with. Ultimately I tried to come to a conclusion about anything that would clarify to the point of inner peace or whatever it is people look for.

Obviously I didn’t find inner peace, but I did come to a conclusion. Have fun while you’re young, spend time with those you love, cry when you’re sad (or happy), travel, eat, exercise; all the things you already know that leads a fulfilling life. I realized I don’t need to discover a thing. I need to find someone who can stand me when I get sick from the Asian food and have a touch of puke left on my face. A man that finds it funny when I get frustrated at lateness or the fact that I need to eat every three hours. Someone who can bear my past as he knows it has made me the best I can be, and who can meet me without makeup and see my inner beauty.

FYI, I’m still without that man, but it’s all good, I have a pie in my fridge tonight… Coconut cream to be exact.

I just want to say how much I missed you readers, and writing for you! I intend to share those stories you just know I got on my trip. Thankfully I (mostly) kept it in my pants, but don’t worry, there’s plenty of fun to share. Hope you’re enjoying the heat!!
Brooke

Kinky?

2 Jul

Hey readers,

I realize we have not posted for a while and thought I would spice things up with a new blog reflecting on a very “interesting” date I had a while back. We will call this guy “kinky” and the main reason I was reminded of this terrible memory I have been repressing was because as I happened to be walking home one day, I saw him walking towards me and literally ran the opposite way.

After talking to “kinky” for a while, we had often planned to meet for a date but never seemed to have the right timing. Unfortunately one night after we had both headed to the bar, we messaged each other and I ended up meeting him by his apartment. I knew heading there that this was probably not the best idea but decided to go with it anyways.

We sat down and had some wine and chatted and as things progressed we moved to the bedroom. Everything seemed to be fine or so I thought after having had some previous drinks that evening and a few glasses of wine. Until at one point he starts pulling out some very kinky moves and contorting me into positions I had never been in before. I figured maybe I could deal with it and was willing to try something different until he asked me if I could spit in his mouth.

I remember laying there, in a semi-contorted state wondering how in any possible way could spitting in one’s mouth be considered erotic. I turned the invitation down and decided to pretend like I was so into it that I just did not hear him. He then asked if he could spit in my mouth. Clearly this was not something I had an interest in doing so I told him that I wanted to be more into it to do that…I was thinking what else to do when I realized just giving the excuse that I was too drunk would be good enough and have him be on his way. He asked me to spend the night but I thought about how utterly uncomfortable the morning after would be, waking up after such a weird experience so I decided to cab back home. The last thing I wanted is for him to wake me up at 7:00 am when I was actually sober asking me to spit in his mouth, if I could barely wrap my mind around it when drunk, what would I say when I was sober and most likely hungover.

I remember going home after that and feeling just…odd. Like something really wrong had happened and I had somehow lost myself in that process. I knew this wasn’t me and not where I wanted to be. I knew that it had been a huge mistake and that no good would ever come of it.

He later messaged me in the week asking me to hang out again, I was shocked that he was still trying to see me considering I had turned his invitation to exchange saliva down. He got extremely furious when I told him that I felt it was a mistake and that I should be looking for something more serious. But I truly hope that he found what made him happy; someone who pleased him with a nice big wad of spit!

 

For You

15 Apr

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Hey Readers!

I know we’ve been absent as of late, but a lot has been going on! Recently I have been working three jobs, and McKenzie has been working hours late at hers, which happens sometimes, as I’m sure you all know. It just so happens that in a few weeks I’m going on a long trip for slightly less than three months. McKenzie will do her best to keep up, but if it gets slow going for a while, it will speed back up when we’re back together again!

As for my trip, I’m going to do my best to do some research while away. While I am away I think I’ll get some stories of my own for you, but I also believe I can meet the people from this area and ask what it’s like to have a relationship in that part of the world. I know some of our readers are from far away, perhaps closer to where I am going to be! Maybe I’ll meet one of you and you can tell me your stories. I’m going to keep a journal of what I see, hear, and experience.

When I’m back, this will be something I will report back to you and we can have all sorts of discussions. Before I go, I will also leave you with one or two stories that will hopefully make you miss my writing for some of the summer months, as I will miss you!

So, until I leave you with some stories, maybe you can think of some questions I can keep in my mind for the women in this country!

Brainstorm away!

-Brooke

The Break Up

21 Mar

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie