Does Age Matter?

How do you know when the guy you’re dating is too young for you? Well you ask yourself. Do I see myself with him a year from now? A month from now? Am I happy about that? Do I get bothered by the fact that he talks about the future without necessarily mentioning me in it? Does it bother me that his friends live with him? Does it matter that he has batman bed sheets?

Well, the trend of dating a younger guy has always been around though maybe not that obviously. As we transition from mid to late twenties, we start wondering what we want in the next few years. I’ve asked a few friends what they think about dating their younger boyfriend. They tell me the same thing every time. It’s fun, easy, and I don’t really have to think about it. That’s all well and good because in many lives, boyfriends have been a hassle that have been a complicated mess, and a younger guy appears as an effortless good time. That is, until things become more complicated. After all, they’re still guys and one of you will inevitably fall for the other if enough time is invested.

I remember dating a guy who was six years older than me. It didn’t mean his maturity level was six years older, that’s for sure. After all, he’s a guy. I truly believe our maturity levels will always be different. You’re just best to stick with someone whose maturity level is good with yours- younger or older. Anyways, this six-year-older boyfriend had a level of maturity that I thought was more mature at the beginning. As time wore on, I saw more and more of a childish, self-absorbed “funnyman” who thought he was my gift from God.

One day my “gift from God” took a picture. He had just been in the washroom and came back with a photo. Well, what do you think that picture was of? His poop. Yup, he had taken a big poop and just thought he should take a picture and share it with me. Safe to say, he was out of my house that night. I couldn’t imagine dating a poop-loving gift from God.

Maturity levels can range far and wide, from a 22 year old being more intellectually developed than a 36 year old. I’ve dated both, and honestly can’t find one factor that says consistently: older men are better than younger guys. I can’t say the opposite either.

The conclusion I came to after discussing this with my friends was just the fact that as we get older, some of us fear settling down and think a younger guy will not be as serious. The ladies who are more than comfortable with the fact that more and more guys are looking to settle down are content with going for the one they connect with, who usually happens to be the same age or older.

My sister, for example, is seeing a younger guy. He’s 3 or 4 years younger and she is in her late twenties. Two years ago she was seeing an older guy who was the guy you could see yourself marrying (well… I couldn’t because he was bald and fat, and a douche who thought my opinions were idiotic) and the relationship was a disaster. This is another story, but as people do, they look for rebound. Though we’re not that close, I’m sure she had a one nighter or two, but she eventually started dating this guy who was younger because it was just fun. Well, they’ve been together for a year and a half now, and are looking to move in together in the next year. She plans to marry him. I can’t tell the future, but I can say that what started out as a fun thing about age turned into a serious thing where age doesn’t matter.

Age is just something that makes us feel better by putting a guy or ourselves into a category. The truth is, it’s all unpredictable. Just date who you want, sleep with who you want (as long as they’re legal age and you’re not a creeper) and just have a good time. Whether you want it or not, life happens and you can’t say where you’ll be in two or three years from now… Just don’t date a guy who shows you a picture of poop.

 

Oh, Hey… Where have you been?

 

Hello!

Well it has been a busy summer. McKenzie and I have definitely neglected you, and to apologize we have a beautiful man and babe photo to suit readers of both sexes. Also, if that doesn’t do it for you, we have a new post on it’s way. This summer was filled with travel, work, new relationships, new ridiculousness, and then me spilling water on my laptop and not being able to afford a new one to keep up with the blog. NOW that time is over!

Glad to be back!

How I Met my Boyfriend…

We blog about online dating quite often as we have both turned to it in the past to help us hopefully find a soul mate. I often wrote about how I did not imagine meeting a soul mate drunkenly at the bar because it felt as if they were always there, trying to pick up any female walking by and get her drunk enough to make her feel that she is special.

One night, when I was least expecting it and when I had only been at the bar for a short enough period of time, I ended up meeting my current love of my life.

I usually do not have the best memory but vividly remember almost everything about the night we met.

Every time I look back it reminds me out of a scene from a Tim Burton movie I love, “Big Fish”:

“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true. What they don’t tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.”

I remember looking at each other and smiling and the memory is still in my mind, and following that single event the way our relationship progressed was extra fast, but wonderful in all the right ways.

I had arrived at the bar quite late to meet my friends and had only been there for an hour or so and had only had enough time to have one drink. Brooke was way ahead of me with drinks and having a great time when, as per usual at the bar, some drunken fool started approaching us. I told him several times to leave us alone but he seemed to really enjoy pissing me off and kept showing off his dance  moves, which resembled a monkey by the way in front of me. At one point he stood in front of me and started flailing his arms around, and as I turned into the crowd, I made eye contact with who then was a stranger and (apparently) made a disgusted face at him asking for rescue from this drunken freak.

He came over to me and started talking and one conversation lead to another, lead to another and time flew by so fast that it was already last call and the bar was closing. He had only been there for less than an hour too so we were both fully sober to be able to have intelligent conversations. We had quite a lot in common, loved the same TV shows, both have careers that we are growing into and seemed to have the same sense of humour.

We somehow fit perfectly together from that day on, and the first date, the second and every other day after that. We spent so much time together, not because we felt we HAD to but because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company that we are moving in together. We decided that all the decisions we have made and will continue to make will not be to conform by what standards people say a relationship ought to follow or not follow. It is a gut feeling and when it happens, both people agree and see eye to eye and this is something rare and amazing for me having experienced the complete opposite in the past.

I remember one day having a conversation with him and the words that came out of his mouth were: “I don’t think you have ever dated someone like me because you would still have been with them to this day.” It gave me goose bumps because I knew that it was the truth.

So why did this relationship work for me but online dating failed?

Because we both happened to be at the right place at the right time, not just physically that night at the bar but in our lives. Maybe somehow the universe aligned and things happen because it was fate (if you believe in it) or maybe things are a series of random events. I don’t really know what I believe in but I am happier than ever before and most importantly I am with someone that is sure about being with me. Unlike the experience I had before with someone who was constantly confused until one day he was confused about me.

Online dating provided a good understanding for me of what attributes I liked in someone and which ones I disliked. But I found many of the men I met online had various issues. Some still lived at home in their 30’s, had unsteady jobs or jobs that were not so great, they had no aspirations and future plans and they were generally confused without much direction. It seems they all turned to online dating to not necessarily build a relationship but to hopefully find themselves. What they didn’t realize is that by turning to online dating, it means that another person may become involved and feelings often get hurt.

The important aspect about dating in general and online dating is finding yourself and making yourself someone that has various things to offer to a relationship. It is not fair to find someone to give you direction because they are not your parent or teacher, they are your partner and ought to be looking towards the same direction as you.

So next time you try online dating, already have a profile or are frustrated. Turn all that off and head out somewhere social. That wonderful person who has a career and is very busy may not have the time to dedicate to an online dating profile, but he may have the time to catch up with a friend that night and who knows, you may bump into him.

Peace and Pie

On my trip to central Asia I wanted to search for honesty in love that I could find in strangers I met on the road. On this two-month discovery, I looked and looked but realized it was so difficult to find obvious signs of love in a culture that appreciates modesty.

Instead, I did what I do, and figured I’d search for “inner peace” as travelers often do, but I have done with no luck before. It’s not myself I was looking for, but a clarification of what I wanted in my life. I had several horrible 18-hour bus rides, and since I get bus-with-no-road sick I only had time and an iPod to keep my mind busy. I would think about everything from what I value in a man or friends to what I wanted most from home at that time (turns out it was coconut cream pie).  I thought about how I hadn’t put makeup on for the time I had been in this country for the first time in years, and how it was freeing. Especially since I got asked out three times by older, attractive men… Stories to follow later.  I thought about where I wanted to be long-term, and who I wanted to be with. Ultimately I tried to come to a conclusion about anything that would clarify to the point of inner peace or whatever it is people look for.

Obviously I didn’t find inner peace, but I did come to a conclusion. Have fun while you’re young, spend time with those you love, cry when you’re sad (or happy), travel, eat, exercise; all the things you already know that leads a fulfilling life. I realized I don’t need to discover a thing. I need to find someone who can stand me when I get sick from the Asian food and have a touch of puke left on my face. A man that finds it funny when I get frustrated at lateness or the fact that I need to eat every three hours. Someone who can bear my past as he knows it has made me the best I can be, and who can meet me without makeup and see my inner beauty.

FYI, I’m still without that man, but it’s all good, I have a pie in my fridge tonight… Coconut cream to be exact.

I just want to say how much I missed you readers, and writing for you! I intend to share those stories you just know I got on my trip. Thankfully I (mostly) kept it in my pants, but don’t worry, there’s plenty of fun to share. Hope you’re enjoying the heat!!
Brooke

Kinky?

Hey readers,

I realize we have not posted for a while and thought I would spice things up with a new blog reflecting on a very “interesting” date I had a while back. We will call this guy “kinky” and the main reason I was reminded of this terrible memory I have been repressing was because as I happened to be walking home one day, I saw him walking towards me and literally ran the opposite way.

After talking to “kinky” for a while, we had often planned to meet for a date but never seemed to have the right timing. Unfortunately one night after we had both headed to the bar, we messaged each other and I ended up meeting him by his apartment. I knew heading there that this was probably not the best idea but decided to go with it anyways.

We sat down and had some wine and chatted and as things progressed we moved to the bedroom. Everything seemed to be fine or so I thought after having had some previous drinks that evening and a few glasses of wine. Until at one point he starts pulling out some very kinky moves and contorting me into positions I had never been in before. I figured maybe I could deal with it and was willing to try something different until he asked me if I could spit in his mouth.

I remember laying there, in a semi-contorted state wondering how in any possible way could spitting in one’s mouth be considered erotic. I turned the invitation down and decided to pretend like I was so into it that I just did not hear him. He then asked if he could spit in my mouth. Clearly this was not something I had an interest in doing so I told him that I wanted to be more into it to do that…I was thinking what else to do when I realized just giving the excuse that I was too drunk would be good enough and have him be on his way. He asked me to spend the night but I thought about how utterly uncomfortable the morning after would be, waking up after such a weird experience so I decided to cab back home. The last thing I wanted is for him to wake me up at 7:00 am when I was actually sober asking me to spit in his mouth, if I could barely wrap my mind around it when drunk, what would I say when I was sober and most likely hungover.

I remember going home after that and feeling just…odd. Like something really wrong had happened and I had somehow lost myself in that process. I knew this wasn’t me and not where I wanted to be. I knew that it had been a huge mistake and that no good would ever come of it.

He later messaged me in the week asking me to hang out again, I was shocked that he was still trying to see me considering I had turned his invitation to exchange saliva down. He got extremely furious when I told him that I felt it was a mistake and that I should be looking for something more serious. But I truly hope that he found what made him happy; someone who pleased him with a nice big wad of spit!

 

For You

Hey Readers!

I know we’ve been absent as of late, but a lot has been going on! Recently I have been working three jobs, and McKenzie has been working hours late at hers, which happens sometimes, as I’m sure you all know. It just so happens that in a few weeks I’m going on a long trip for slightly less than three months. McKenzie will do her best to keep up, but if it gets slow going for a while, it will speed back up when we’re back together again!

As for my trip, I’m going to do my best to do some research while away. While I am away I think I’ll get some stories of my own for you, but I also believe I can meet the people from this area and ask what it’s like to have a relationship in that part of the world. I know some of our readers are from far away, perhaps closer to where I am going to be! Maybe I’ll meet one of you and you can tell me your stories. I’m going to keep a journal of what I see, hear, and experience.

When I’m back, this will be something I will report back to you and we can have all sorts of discussions. Before I go, I will also leave you with one or two stories that will hopefully make you miss my writing for some of the summer months, as I will miss you!

So, until I leave you with some stories, maybe you can think of some questions I can keep in my mind for the women in this country!

Brainstorm away!

-Brooke

The Break Up

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie

Genuine Love

There are women in this world who settle for less than they deserve. We all have, at one point in time woken up and said, “What am I doing here?” Whether it have been regarding a boyfriend you are laying beside, a husband, if you’re still in a drunken state, or alone. It may not be obvious for all of us, as I know I have thought that what I had at the time was happiness. The problem is, if you ever question your relationship imagining a different life completely and you feel a longing for it, chances are you’re not where you should be. If you can think to yourself of every morning being in the same bed as the man who is beside you right now for the next seventy years, I congratulate your happiness! However, if you are like me and you are searching for a man you know you deserve, keep on reading. I won’t tell you where to search for him, but I can offer you some suggestions from recent educational insights that have stayed in my mind.

Two weeks ago my grandmother died. I can’t be sad about it because she was in her 90^th year, and died with my grandfather by her side. I know these times were different, being born in the 20’s, and life was a lot simpler for choosing a mate. This is because they didn’t sleep with more than one person, weren’t able to travel as easily, and social networking didn’t exist. We’re still all out for the hunt of the man we think exists. Let me tell you, you may search forever or he may be right beside you, but either way he is out there. My grandmother and grandfather were married for 70 years. This is almost impossible to imagine, considering I’m already past that point unless I guarantee living to 100 or older (which of course I do). Can you imagine 25,550 days (give or take a few from leap years and my math skills) with another person? Sit here reading this, and actually picture the routine of waking up and seeing that man’s face for the next 70 years. This is amazing to me. If you sped up a camera for 70 years, that man would literally age right in front of you. The arguments, the nagging, the moving, the child rearing, are all factors that would have been throughout the years. I experienced it first hand when I would ride in the back seat of the car when I was in my early teens. My old, slow driving, grandfather would forget to signal when he was making a turn and my grandmother would never fail to talk about it until the restaurant and proceed through lunch. “Oh Alec, you should really be more careful. Going 50 Kilometers on a street is quite quick and you must use a signal,” over and over again in different sentences. 25,550 days.

In order to find a man you can stand for 25,550 days, you need to consider this: know who you are. Erikson, a psychosocial theorist, created stages that a person goes through in their lives when they are young. According to him, we all go through these stages, which you can research more on if you’re curious. I will focus on one, however, identity versus role confusion. In this theory, the stage of an adolescent is to find who they are through choosing a role such as a nerd or a bully. In high school we were meant to choose who we want to be, shy or outgoing, popular or not, and so on. As I have read further about this, I realize this stage wasn’t something I completed. I was never able to choose who I wanted to be as I kept changing groups I chose to hang out with, and what role I wanted to be in. When I went to university I changed again completely, and afterwards even more so when I started to travel.

I believe that rather than one stage, this is something we go through our entire lives. Perhaps we don’t change our morality or our basic state of being, but there are too many encounters in our lives to not change and grow from them. I know for a fact that the “me” in a relationship in high school is not the same “me” that exists in one now (if I were in a relationship). The amount of people I meet in a year do not define me, but they help me at each encounter to realize what I like or dislike in people, and qualities I find intriguing. These encounters help me focus on what I want in a person as a friend or a possible relationship I can see lasting.

I am a firm believer in loving yourself before putting complete love in a relationship. This is because many people lose themselves when they are in a relationship and they begin to identify who they are by who they are with. It’s like a chameleon that changes to fit into the surroundings they are in at the time. When you outline what you want in a person, and don’t settle for less, you are putting faith in yourself that you are capable of meeting that individual and they do actually exist. It may not be in an ideal timeframe, but if you enjoy your life meeting new people and seeing what you like in all of them, you never know whom you will be with. If you waited for someone to change, you would be waiting forever, so have faith in yourself and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to spend 25,550 days with an individual you truly love.

The Red Leprechaun

If you have ever dated a man from Ireland, or if you are Irish then don’t think I believe that the Irish are leprechauns. When I was in Ireland there were so many men that had the body, face, and personality to go with the delicious accent. It was too bad I couldn’t take advantage of it because I had a boyfriend with me. A year before that, however, my impression had been tainted by one of the first Irish men I had ever met in New Zealand.

A lot of people go to New Zealand and Australia in their younger years to party and experience a different culture. The majority of Canadians choose Australia because it has a beach, accents, and booze (goon). I chose New Zealand because I thought I was different and wanted to see the scenery. Little did I know I was about to experience the cliché young travelers’ trip that I had tried to avoid. Although there are many stories I can tell you from this trip and the others following it, I choose to disturb your comfort level yet again by telling you about one “man” that I met and decided to date… for a couple of days.

I met many people in New Zealand, and when I went onto Australia I was excited but nervous to be alone again. One guy that I had met, who is nicknamed the Leprechaun, was a funny short guy with elf ears and an Irish accent. His smile was one for the ages with teeth coming out on all angles, but he had a bit of charm, which didn’t take away from the fact that he looked like a leprechaun. We met in a hostel and became friends over the week that I stayed there. Of course he was an attempted Ladies Man, but was always unsuccessful, especially with me. His little Lucky Charms laugh made me feel better, and his eagerness to be active and try new things always made me feel better when I was lonely or bored. The Irish accent had never been a big thing for me, I really liked British at the time, so it didn’t outweigh his small appearance. As we got to know each other, he would try harder and harder to get me to hold his hand or to kiss him. Now, I’m 5’3”, and he was shorter than me. He would give me a hug and try to get nearer to my face until I left the hostel and we exchanged numbers. As a matter of fact, I was looking at photos the other day and came across one of him and me, my face sympathetic looking and almost a hand on his to push it away. This describes our relationship.

By the time I left New Zealand for Australia, I knew I would be alone for a while. I was having some anxiety issues, and it always helped to be with friends. When I was over in Australia, I knew he had gone over just a few days before and so I decided to message him to see if he was in Sydney. He was, and decided to come to the hostel to hang out and have a few drinks. As it always happens, just after the invite I made four friends whom I still talk to today. I had said he could join us, which I immediately regretted because of his little leprechaun kissing attempts. On his way to the hostel explained how he got kicked out of his friend’s house and he needed a place to stay and would try to get a hostel for the night… But the catch was he didn’t have any money. He also told me that he fell asleep outside that day, and got a sun burn.

Now, I have seen sun burns, had sun burns, and have cruelly smacked a sun burn. I have never seen a person actually become a sun burn until that day. He met me outside the hostel and said, “it’s pretty bad isn’t it.” I said it wasn’t too bad, which was a clear lie. As the night progressed we all became drunk enough for me to offer him a place in my room, since there were 3 empty beds in a four-person room. Maybe it was the fact that I had been lonely, or was quite drunk, but I ended up sleeping with him. I slept with a red leprechaun. How unfortunate that I still remember it vividly. Lets bring you in on the magic shall we?

We didn’t sleep together until the morning when we woke up, and after he started, he just stopped moving. This was a whole “1-mississippi” count. I asked what was wrong and he smiled his little leprechaun smile and said oh nothing, you’re so beautiful. Blah blah, I was laying there not moving for about 5 minutes asking him if we were going to do anything and I got frustrated and got up to leave. I realized that he had finished as it was “1-missi…” count. Well, what a waste of time. I proceeded to freak out and watch him waddle away as a little red leprechaun who still had the impression of my ear on his cheek. I guess he had hoped his lucky charms had worked on me because he continued to message me for the rest of my trip. Thanks, but you can keep your pot of gold.

The Club Life

Do you remember when you were young, or last night if you are young, and you had that moment of “What am I doing here?” Well, some people know it well and some people only know it once or twice because they love the life. I’m one who gets it all the time and I wonder if the next time is the time that will be fun. I’ve found it’s only easy to spend time at a club if you’re with a great group of friends, love to dance, or are a drunk skunk. Now that I’m in my mid twenties, I find that it’s best to spend time positively, and turn any situation you are uncomfortable with into a good one. Last weekend McKenzie and I went to a club, which happened to be empty, as it was a Sunday night. We have had some rough times this month and needed a weekend filled with activities. At this empty club, we were being hit on by the men… Well the type of men that go to clubs on a Sunday night. Seeing as these men are not our type, we were feeling a bit down and didn’t know how to perk up. All of a sudden, we wondered why we were feeling down? Did we actually expect to have a good time socializing with Sunday nightclub hoppers? Not really. Instead, we decided to make the best of a bad situation.

We went out in the middle of the dance floor which only had about three people on it, one of which was on a stripper pole. Sunday night pole dance? Apparently so. We went out on that dance floor and I challenged McKenzie to dance as foolish as we could and appear as though we were serious. We started dancing and then legs came out flying with moves you haven’t seen since Night at the Roxbury. It ended up being one of the most fun nights of the weekend, which had nothing to do with being picked up by men or having too many drinks. Afterwards, we finished the night with some cheap Chinese food. A fantastic night.

I always wonder how those girls that go to the club weekly handle it. We used to go out at least two times a week, and we were girls like that but weren’t too into the neon light club scene with the beats and the black lights that make people’s stained teeth show. We were the type to find our favourite place and party the hell out of it, until we became regulars and moved on. As we’ve grown throughout the years, every so often we come back to a place we have visited before and wonder why we’re there. It’s not the scene we’re into anymore, though we clearly still love to dance… and drink.

Last night I went out for a friend’s birthday party at a club. It was a club with Spanish music on one side and Gangsta beats on the other. Typical stuff with stages filled with girls and neon lights hurting my eyes. It was filled with men who feel it’s their right to grab your hand (ass) while you walk by. It was filled with people that talk 3 centimeters away from your face as if that’s a normal space. And finally, it’s a place that if you’re not drunk, you’re screwed. Seeing as I was that sober person, I found myself just observing the people in the club. There was a guy who literally was swinging his pelvis back and forth and pulsing and grabbing his air woman. There was a 40-year-old man who thought his beer belly didn’t get in the way when people were walking by him. There were women with their spare tires hanging out, and women who looked as gorgeous as any celebrity. After four hours of observing and literally taking my hand and pushing faces away from mine, I was done and drove home, spending the cab ride back to my car with a van full of drunk, pelvis-thrusting men who kept calling me Blondie and asking why I was ignoring them.

The conclusion of this is nothing more than the fact that I am so thankful my friends don’t throw their pelvises back and forth, and that we can make a bad situation fun. It’s just too bad that none of them were with me last night. But not all was bad; I got birthday cake… And I most definitely ate the whole thing while sitting there with a fork merely observing.