The clan of un-datable men

27 Sep

I often see a commercial that says currently 1 in 5 relationships is formed online. I can say that I have fallen under that statistic but on my quest to find the ideal partner, I have unfortunately encountered some not so very ideal ones.

At the time; after many disastrous dates I will admit that I felt more like crying than laughing at them. But now that some time has passed and I have shared them with Brooke,  we have had many good laughs and of course learned from them. This is why I think it’s time that I share them with the public and hopefully we can all get a few good laughs as well as some valuable lessons.

My first experience in the dating world started a bit over two and a half years ago. I had previously gotten out of an almost three year relationship from university and after some time off dating I decided I was ready again. The question was, where do I meet people?

The first experience I will share, I will call him DISHONEST, the reason for it is because he used fake pictures on his profile.

After speaking for a few weeks, I noticed that he had only one picture of himself; him wearing sunglasses and sitting behind the wheel of a car. The picture looked very artistic and figured he had a friend who was a good photographer. We had good conversations but he often said “ I hope when you meet me you will still feel the same,” this in itself should have raised a red flag. Being new to the online dating world and being an honest person, I did not imagine what was coming my way.

After text messages and phone conversations we decided to meet one night after I was out with my friends.

I received a message saying that he was heading my way in 5 minutes so I started looking. Being quite anxious as I had never done this before, I was somewhat excited and imagined we would lock eyes in the crowd, run and hug each other and that it would probably be a scene from a movie.  Five minutes pass and I receive a message that says he was standing across from me and he recognized me so I looked up and started looking for him. In the picture he had nice arms and I’m a sucker for nice arms, so I figured that could be one thing to look for. But all I saw was what appeared to be a 350 pound homeless person that was smiling at me. He had stains on his shirts, a hat covering his face and ripped up jeans that were falling off almost.  The fellow approached me and believe it or not, this was APPARENTLY the same person in the picture.

After many attempts at convincing me that the picture was taken years ago and that he had gained some weight. I remained unconvinced. I told him that this would not work out and went on my way. Weeks and even months later, he sent me various messages insulting me and saying I was shallow and that we were made for each other, clearly he was blocked.

In what universe did he ever think that he could not only lie about his appearance but also show up on a first date looking like a homeless person. And how could he ever expect to start any relationship based on lies from the first minute or starting conversation.

Fortunately I still kept my spirits up, blocked DISHONEST and tried my luck again. After some regular dates that simply lacked chemistry. I met AWKWARD. Oddly enough he ended up living a block from me, which at the time I thought would be perfect if we were to date as convenience is definitely key. Let’s get to the point with this one, he did not receive his nickname for no reason.

Within one hour of walking and chatting downtown he tripped about 5 times, got his sleeve stuck in a doorknob  and got ice cream all over himself . Unfortunately I decided to give him another chance when he messaged me one night after the bar telling me he was with his friends eating sushi in our area. “After the bar” was a red flag over here.  I showed up to find him beyond drunk, unable to walk properly. Guess I never predicted that him living so close meant I had to help him stumble his way home as he hung himself off of me, keep in mind he was about six feet tall and I am only 5’2”.

Needles to say, that was the end of that one.

Apparently the “interesting” dates all came in waves because not too long after that I had a date with another one. It seemed they had all created a clan, the clan to try every way possible to make me lose my faith in the male gender. Me being a brave soldier and all still kept standing strong.

We are going to call this one the NERD. Because he resembled Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. What distinguished this one is that we went out for dinner and when we got there he ordered a pizza for us to share,  and also ONE coke for us to also share. The pizza was a personal one and in no way was it meant to be shared, and sharing a coke…how old are we? We are also NOT in 1950 where sharing a milkshake is considered romantic.

At one point the waitress tried so suggest that we should order a larger pizza to share but he wouldn’t have it. Refills also cost extra so we had to make this one coke last. Not only that, but I noticed that he did NOT tip the waitress. After the date he asked me if he would get a kiss for taking me out to dinner. I wondered who he had been taking on dates before because I was sure not impressed.

At the time I wanted to cry and was so disappointed in all of mankind. Why did they have to plot against me!! I just wanted a normal date, was that too much to ask for.

Unfortunately these awful dates do not end here, but stay tuned for post 2!



9 Responses to “The clan of un-datable men”

  1. will date for free food September 27, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    Ew! I think I would have just ordered my own drink after he ordered ‘ours’. Or just got up and walked out (okay, no I don’t have the heart to just get up in walk out. But I’m sure you were thinking it!)

  2. Brooke and Mckenzie (@BROOKEnMCKENZIE) September 27, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    I should have thrown some change on the table and gotten myself a real drink, I sure needed somethign strong to put up with that one!

  3. umcheckplease September 27, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Let me tell you something… Take it from me, a normal date IS too much to ask for lol

    • will date for free food September 27, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

      So sad. So true.

    • Brooke and Mckenzie (@BROOKEnMCKENZIE) September 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm #

      Unfortunately out of like 20 you then get LUCKY hopefully and meet a “normal one” I think people are becoming stranger over time.

  4. BougieHippie September 28, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    Let me put you all up on game. The best guys aren’t on the internet they are at the bank making deposits.

    • Brooke and Mckenzie (@BROOKEnMCKENZIE) September 28, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

      I’ve actually met a GREAT guy on the internet and previously had a one year relationship also from online dating. Guess you just have to be patient and always remind yourself that at least this way you’re getting more chances at dates, thus more chances at meeting the right one.

      Hahahaha at the bank…that’s pretty funny. I used to work at the bank as a teller, from personal experience most guys that made deposits were either married or kind of sleazy. But there were many attractive ones that’s true for sure.

  5. Matthew C. Kriner October 1, 2011 at 3:41 am #

    This is a great blog! How long have you been blogging?

  6. AthenaVox October 8, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    We’ve all been there! Trust me! I’ve met a few nice guys online, but in the end the relationships didn’t work out. I’m no longer looking. I’m taking a break to regain faith in the male species.

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