We are very pleased to feature a guest post by Witty from one of our FAVOURITE blogs: Will Date for Free Food. We consider these girls our long lost soul-mates and we definitely see eye to eye on many topics, especially when it comes to dating. We hope you enjoy this post as much as we do and love them as much as we do.
Today, I am facing public humiliation. But I knew I just had to eventually share this story… so here goes nothing…
A while back, I was having a little health issue. Nothing too serious or anything… more just inconvenient. For a few weeks I was constantly in and out of the doctors, getting small tests done and what not. Finally I had to take a trip to the hospital, for a 3 hour harmless test. I checked in and they handed me some scrubs. The pants, the shirt and the robe. All about 3 sizes too large for me. I changed into my new super sexy outfit and took a seat in the waiting room. I was patiently waiting, reading a book, when a very good-looking male nurse walks out into the waiting room. All I can think is “PLEASE don’t call my name… PLEASE don’t call my name…” and then, he called my name.
I took a deep breath, put a big fake “I’m-not-embarrassed-AT-ALL” smile on my face, stood up and walked over to him. We went into the examination room and he did all the necessary things, including explaining the test to me. And then a sign of relief: he told me that the radiologists would be coming in shortly. I thought “thank god! this hottie isn’t the one actually doing the test! phew!” But when the radiologist finally came in, the hottie murse didn’t leave. The radiologist started asking me a series of questions:
Radiologist: Is there any chance your pregnant?
Radiologist: Are you sure?
Me: Unfortunately, that’s impossible.
[Radiologist & Murse chuckle]
Radiologist: So, what’s been going on with you…
Me: Well… umm… I’ve been… irregular…
Radiologist: How so?
[embarrassed look on my face…]
Radiologist: Constipation? Diarrhea?
Radiologist: What was that?
[Sigh. Avoiding eye contact with hottie murse]
COME ON, what could be worse than having to tell a hot stranger about your shitting patterns?? I was there to get an upper GI x-ray–the one where you have to drink barium and they x-ray it as it goes through your system. First, they made me drink something carbonated and then drink the barium as they took x-rays of my throat. The hot murse had to run and grab a small wastebasket just in case because they could tell by the (what I imagine to be seductive) look on my face that I wanted to throw up. Luckily I didn’t.
After this, I drank more barium and then had to roll around back and forth, round and round, on the table so that the barium would coat my entire stomach. I felt like I was a puppet. The hottie murse had to line my hips up with machine and said “well at least your hips aren’t hard to find!” Yea, I took that as a compliment. After I was done with this series of x-rays, I then had to drink MORE barium. This time a whole big cup. Then I would have to go back for round two. The hot murse told me to try and drink it in 10-15 minutes. It took me 40. When he came back out to the waiting room for round 2 (5 minutes after I finished the drink) I told him it took me a little longer then he wanted. He said that’s okay, he was just going to see exactly where it was in my system before doing the final x-rays. He took a quick snap shot to do so. Come to find out, the barium was luckily far enough along in my system to do the final x-rays. When he told me this, I laughed:
Hot Murse: What’s so funny?
Me: I only finished the drink 5 minutes before you got me…
Hot Murse: Wow! Well congratulations, it went through your system quick! It takes some people hours and they have to wait here forever.
[Face turns red]
Wait, did he just congratulate me for proving that I’m not lying about having diarrhea? I think that just happened. Anyways, we had to wait about 5-10 minutes for the radiologist. He sat in the room with me and shot the shit (no pun intended…). I’m not going to lie, I think he kind of wanted me. He even gave me a free pair of hospital socks! (I’m wearing them right now.) Anyways, the final test was quick and painless. I look back on that day and wonder if, after being so mortified and having him know the most embarrassing thing about me… think I could have gotten his number?