Genuine Love

There are women in this world who settle for less than they deserve. We all have, at one point in time woken up and said, “What am I doing here?” Whether it have been regarding a boyfriend you are laying beside, a husband, if you’re still in a drunken state, or alone. It may not be obvious for all of us, as I know I have thought that what I had at the time was happiness. The problem is, if you ever question your relationship imagining a different life completely and you feel a longing for it, chances are you’re not where you should be. If you can think to yourself of every morning being in the same bed as the man who is beside you right now for the next seventy years, I congratulate your happiness! However, if you are like me and you are searching for a man you know you deserve, keep on reading. I won’t tell you where to search for him, but I can offer you some suggestions from recent educational insights that have stayed in my mind.

Two weeks ago my grandmother died. I can’t be sad about it because she was in her 90^th year, and died with my grandfather by her side. I know these times were different, being born in the 20’s, and life was a lot simpler for choosing a mate. This is because they didn’t sleep with more than one person, weren’t able to travel as easily, and social networking didn’t exist. We’re still all out for the hunt of the man we think exists. Let me tell you, you may search forever or he may be right beside you, but either way he is out there. My grandmother and grandfather were married for 70 years. This is almost impossible to imagine, considering I’m already past that point unless I guarantee living to 100 or older (which of course I do). Can you imagine 25,550 days (give or take a few from leap years and my math skills) with another person? Sit here reading this, and actually picture the routine of waking up and seeing that man’s face for the next 70 years. This is amazing to me. If you sped up a camera for 70 years, that man would literally age right in front of you. The arguments, the nagging, the moving, the child rearing, are all factors that would have been throughout the years. I experienced it first hand when I would ride in the back seat of the car when I was in my early teens. My old, slow driving, grandfather would forget to signal when he was making a turn and my grandmother would never fail to talk about it until the restaurant and proceed through lunch. “Oh Alec, you should really be more careful. Going 50 Kilometers on a street is quite quick and you must use a signal,” over and over again in different sentences. 25,550 days.

In order to find a man you can stand for 25,550 days, you need to consider this: know who you are. Erikson, a psychosocial theorist, created stages that a person goes through in their lives when they are young. According to him, we all go through these stages, which you can research more on if you’re curious. I will focus on one, however, identity versus role confusion. In this theory, the stage of an adolescent is to find who they are through choosing a role such as a nerd or a bully. In high school we were meant to choose who we want to be, shy or outgoing, popular or not, and so on. As I have read further about this, I realize this stage wasn’t something I completed. I was never able to choose who I wanted to be as I kept changing groups I chose to hang out with, and what role I wanted to be in. When I went to university I changed again completely, and afterwards even more so when I started to travel.

I believe that rather than one stage, this is something we go through our entire lives. Perhaps we don’t change our morality or our basic state of being, but there are too many encounters in our lives to not change and grow from them. I know for a fact that the “me” in a relationship in high school is not the same “me” that exists in one now (if I were in a relationship). The amount of people I meet in a year do not define me, but they help me at each encounter to realize what I like or dislike in people, and qualities I find intriguing. These encounters help me focus on what I want in a person as a friend or a possible relationship I can see lasting.

I am a firm believer in loving yourself before putting complete love in a relationship. This is because many people lose themselves when they are in a relationship and they begin to identify who they are by who they are with. It’s like a chameleon that changes to fit into the surroundings they are in at the time. When you outline what you want in a person, and don’t settle for less, you are putting faith in yourself that you are capable of meeting that individual and they do actually exist. It may not be in an ideal timeframe, but if you enjoy your life meeting new people and seeing what you like in all of them, you never know whom you will be with. If you waited for someone to change, you would be waiting forever, so have faith in yourself and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to spend 25,550 days with an individual you truly love.