Tag Archives: funny

Do you like the flick of my hand?

21 Sep

http://weheartit.com/entry/28642432/via/AnnaTxx

 

I’m sure you’re aware that every man, guy or boy has unique quirks that make him who he is. I’m also sure you’re aware that some of these traits are the reasons for nicknames, stories, and inevitably how you describe your ex when the relationship has ended. Well, I’m here to tell you that this is not only one of the most common things to discuss with your girlfriends; it’s clearly one of the most fun things.

I’m here to tell you how a flick of the wrist lasted as one ex’s identifier for years after we had broken up. While he and I would eat dinner, he would open his palm, spread his fingers and flick across his body quickly to form his hand into a point. He would do this to ask me to pass the salt, point directions to anyone if they asked, and always… always to order dinner. We would sit down at a table and for some reason he would get a sense of power, and speak to the waitress with a cockiness that always made me shiver. He would not only point to the menu with his hand flick, but also to ask me what I was going to order, and then proceed to order it for me always in the same manner. “She’ll have the chicken,” hand flick. “I’ll have the pasta,” hand flick.

I’ll always remember McKenzie telling me that the women that worked at the store she was working at the time thought he was there to steal something. He had a sketchy way about him, only emphasized by the fact that he would flick his hand all the time. Perhaps this was a disease. The disease of the Idle Hands as the 90’s Devon Sawa flick would suggest. Anyways, it never stops being funny and once in a while I am at dinner or McKenzie is, and we burst out laughing at someone across the room ordering with the flick of the hand.

Here’s another example. A guy I dated had a weird and disgusting trait. It’s pretty awful and I can’t believe I dated him for so long considering he had this. When he kissed me, (remembering this is making me gag) he would back away at the end of our little make out with his mouth open and tongue sticking out. Yeah, I dated a dog. It wasn’t so weird at the beginning because I thought he was just into it and would go back for another wet one… literally. Now that I think about it, I only dated him because I was lonely at the beginning, and I guess that deserves ignoring a dog tongue. As time wore on, he would do it consistently. He would just open his mouth with his moist little tongue sticking out. Gross.

I started looking away because I couldn’t take it anymore. What’s worse is that it started that when we had sex he would do it too. He would be so into it that he wouldn’t realize his mouth was open and his tongue was out like a dog. Hell, my dog doesn’t even pant that much. I started saying “Your mouth is open again,” and he would reply with “Oh I didn’t realize.” He would close it but near the end of our relationship I just stopped being attracted to him. I couldn’t take the constant panting. If I were into dogs, I’d just date one and save myself the emotional turmoil.

The dating world is filled with little traits and quirks that can be loveable, or ultimately be the end to something that could have been. There are all kinds of them, and you know we have them too. The difference is, we’re far more judgemental than men, and will discuss them to no end with our girlfriends. In any case, a new relationship is always exciting and terrifying… what traits will your new man have?

Best Friends

30 Jan

 

I know I usually am the one to take you to a story of passion or entertainment, but there’s a subject that you should read about. After all, this is how the blog started! The best friend is the one who will always be there for you no matter what. Brooke and McKenzie have obviously been together for longer than any man has lasted in our lives. We met in high school and it wasn’t love at first sight until we formed a bond over how boring driving school was. It’s really too bad you can’t marry your best friend (unless you’re gay or the opposite sex) because to tell you the truth, I can’t think of someone who can make me laugh more, feel for, and completely trust.

The fact is, you will never find a man as good as your best friend, and if you do that means he is your best friend. They are the people that are there for better or worse and thick or thin. They are the people that tell you you’re gaining weight too rapidly with a look, and who you don’t have to say sorry to when you accidently touch them with your bare foot. Through it all, we have become stronger and given advice to each other whether we accepted it or not. We have been more honest with each other than with ourselves, and got carpel tunnel from the constant texting of what’s going on in our lives… even if they already know.

With all that, however, we continue to give each other hope that there is in fact a person out there that is willing to accept us for who we are, and who we can be honest to. Maybe not as honest as we are in this blog, but close! They will accept our love for each other and our dogs. They will greet my best friend with a demeanour as if they have known us for years. They will in entirety exist, because we managed to find each other so it can’t be impossible.

Through the bad and the good, best friends are there for each other. We will help each other in the search for the man of their dreams so we can stand in hot bridesmaids dresses as the maid of honour. We will never choose a bridesmaid’s dress that will make the other look anything less than, “Damn you fine.”

This is a promise to my best friend, we will not give up on each other… and if no man can handle our hilarity, we’ll live on a ranch and have sperm donor babies. People in the town may think we’re weird, or gay, but that’s ok—they’ll get the hint once the pool boy comes for a visit!

 

Our Guest Post on Wordshaker Magazine

5 Nov

Hey guys, we recently wrote a guest post for Wordshaker Magazine and are so excited to have it on their website : How Embarrassing!

We have to admit that on certain occasion we like to amp up the look of the evening with some hair extensions. We are typically not embarrassed, since it’s quite common these days and among our circle of friends everybody seems to do it. We often joke about it and style each other’s hair, clip in extensions or not, we love adding instant length or covering up a haircut that’s a bit too short.

However, one time I met this gorgeous guy on a night out and we seemed to really hit it off. But as we were chatting he kept complimenting me on my LONG, beautiful hair and said that it was the first thing he noticed about me…great! I just couldn’t take the dream away from him. I figured he wouldn’t ever have to know and left it at that. Unfortunately I started to run into him quite frequently and every time I happened to be wearing my clip in extensions. I guess I figured there was no harm in letting him dream since I would never be close enough to him to worry about it.

Of course the story takes a turn when one night he insisted on taking me away from the group of friends and spending some one on one time. We went to his place and after some good conversation and snuggling up, he started to kiss me as I awkwardly tried to move his hands away from my lustrous hair. I suppose as I lost myself in the moment, it eventually slipped my mind that I had to remember to not let him pull my hair or even touch it. I actually succeeded until I suddenly felt his hand grab the back of my head. I figured he wouldn’t notice or feel anything as I quickly managed to grab his hands away.

Getting very paranoid and worried, I excused myself to use the washroom. I was planning to take all of my hair out and hope that he wouldn’t really notice, but realized I had nowhere to put it as my purse and jacket were outside in the living room.

Suddenly I had the clever idea of hiding it in a drawer underneath his sink. I was planning to run out and grab my purse and quickly sneak it in there, the plan seemed flawless until I got out of the washroom. As soon as I came out he was pretty much waiting outside saying he had to go as well and squeezed past me and went right in.

Panic took over me and I started to hyperventilate, what was I going to do now, what if he saw my hair? I calmed myself down and reassured myself that the chances of him going in the drawer were quite slim, but as I waited those, few moments seemed like an eternity. When he came out he was smiling at me and it quickly calmed my nerves because he couldn’t take his eyes off me. But when he came and sat down next to me, his smile seemed to not go away and I realized it was more of hidden laughter. “You look different,” he said and I tried to play dumb by acting confused and being playful. That is when he pulled out a piece of my hair from his back pocket and waved it in front of my face.

I wished that at that moment I could have disappeared. He said that it’s best if I leave and I agreed so I grabbed all my things and said bye without even having the courage to look him in the eye. But as I walked down his hallway heading to the elevators, I realized that the rest of my hair was still hiding in his drawer. Unfortunately I shamefully walked back, knocked on his door and as he answered he already knew why I was coming back as the rest of my hair was in his hand. I figured I was embarrassed enough, why leave it there for him to make fun of even more and have proof of it.

That day was definitely one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.