For You

15 Apr

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Hey Readers!

I know we’ve been absent as of late, but a lot has been going on! Recently I have been working three jobs, and McKenzie has been working hours late at hers, which happens sometimes, as I’m sure you all know. It just so happens that in a few weeks I’m going on a long trip for slightly less than three months. McKenzie will do her best to keep up, but if it gets slow going for a while, it will speed back up when we’re back together again!

As for my trip, I’m going to do my best to do some research while away. While I am away I think I’ll get some stories of my own for you, but I also believe I can meet the people from this area and ask what it’s like to have a relationship in that part of the world. I know some of our readers are from far away, perhaps closer to where I am going to be! Maybe I’ll meet one of you and you can tell me your stories. I’m going to keep a journal of what I see, hear, and experience.

When I’m back, this will be something I will report back to you and we can have all sorts of discussions. Before I go, I will also leave you with one or two stories that will hopefully make you miss my writing for some of the summer months, as I will miss you!

So, until I leave you with some stories, maybe you can think of some questions I can keep in my mind for the women in this country!

Brainstorm away!

-Brooke

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The Break Up

21 Mar

To all our beloved readers; this is Mckenzie coming back from my hiatus.

Wonderful Brooke has been trying her best to keep the blog posts coming, unfortunately my hiatus came due to my break up shortly after Valentines day. On the good side, we are now two single ladies who will gladly continue to both write about dating, especially online dating, relationships, friendship and all those other things that have been defining this blog ever since its birth.

I am fine with the break up, happier than I ever thought I would be. At first I thought I would feel awful, but I never felt any emotion. I did not really cry. I think once, and then I stopped suddenly as if shaking myself out of it. I don’t know if I was more sad that my relationship was over, or sad that yet once again, I seemed to have made a poor choice in a man.

We were together for nine months yet although red flags shot up, I often brushed them off and saw them as simple things and blamed myself for being too picky. We have not yet addressed how important it is to be on the same wavelength as someone but you definitely need to be on the same or at least a similar intellectual level. The problem was that I needed someone that challenged me. Someone that I could have an intelligent conversation with, who could discuss religion with me and even debate both sides without getting worked up and emotional. Someone who could handle my fire when I express how I feel honestly without any sugar coating. Someone who who was as independent as I am, living on my own, having a career that I love. Not someone who was in their 30s, bad with their finances and living and relying on their family for financial support as well as to guide them through life. I assume in your 30s you should have figured life out, your career out and be independent.

Unfortunately these were some things I settled for which I clearly shouldn’t have.

I remember watching Oprah and hearing about this “Aha” moment. A moment where you suddenly look at your life, as if momentarily stepping out of your body and seeing it through the eyes of someone else. Not a stranger, but someone close to you, someone who knows you very well and knows exactly what you really deserve. This “Aha” moment for me was actually when I received my Valentines card. I remember I put so much thought and effort into the card I gave him and it was very sentimental. After all, it was our first Valentines day together and I wanted it to be special. All he wrote in his was : “Happy Valentines day, you are the cutest girl.” What does that even mean? I remember staring at the card, and placing it where my others were but deep inside I found it hard to swallow. The words stared back at me as if mocking me. I felt like I was not being taken seriously by someone who was incapable of looking me in the eye and telling me that I meant the world to them.

A few days after, we addressed various issues in the relationship and the fact that he may never be able to even move out of his parents’ home even in his early to mid 30s. We addressed that while I was always educating myself and striving in my career, I was moving at a pace that he could never keep up with and he was staggering behind. He was confused about what he was going to do in his life and had zero direction. I realized that he could not give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved. I was bringing a lot to the table and he was scared to bring more because there was not much he could offer.

I have to admit that I thought I would feel depressed, sad and crushed. But I felt relieved somewhat. I felt like I could breathe again, not because the relationship was bad per se, but because I used to think that somehow we would end up together and eventually get married and have children. And that thought one day scared me. I was relieved that I was able to go out and explore what else is out there. And that is exactly what I have been doing.

I have been meeting many wonderful men that have a great deal of ambition, determination and independence. Men that are successful and that are willing to fight for me. I’m excited to see what else is out there and definitely looking forward to and enjoying this new chapter in my life. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I was given a second chance by opening my eyes and standing up for what I believed in.

I remember reading a quote and it is so true: “Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.” And I suddenly am so utterly relieved that I was able to once again remember what I deserved and have been well on my way to forgetting what I wanted.

Mckenzie

Genuine Love

14 Mar

There are women in this world who settle for less than they deserve. We all have, at one point in time woken up and said, “What am I doing here?” Whether it have been regarding a boyfriend you are laying beside, a husband, if you’re still in a drunken state, or alone. It may not be obvious for all of us, as I know I have thought that what I had at the time was happiness. The problem is, if you ever question your relationship imagining a different life completely and you feel a longing for it, chances are you’re not where you should be. If you can think to yourself of every morning being in the same bed as the man who is beside you right now for the next seventy years, I congratulate your happiness! However, if you are like me and you are searching for a man you know you deserve, keep on reading. I won’t tell you where to search for him, but I can offer you some suggestions from recent educational insights that have stayed in my mind.

Two weeks ago my grandmother died. I can’t be sad about it because she was in her 90th year, and died with my grandfather by her side. I know these times were different, being born in the 20’s, and life was a lot simpler for choosing a mate. This is because they didn’t sleep with more than one person, weren’t able to travel as easily, and social networking didn’t exist. We’re still all out for the hunt of the man we think exists. Let me tell you, you may search forever or he may be right beside you, but either way he is out there. My grandmother and grandfather were married for 70 years. This is almost impossible to imagine, considering I’m already past that point unless I guarantee living to 100 or older (which of course I do). Can you imagine 25,550 days (give or take a few from leap years and my math skills) with another person? Sit here reading this, and actually picture the routine of waking up and seeing that man’s face for the next 70 years. This is amazing to me. If you sped up a camera for 70 years, that man would literally age right in front of you. The arguments, the nagging, the moving, the child rearing, are all factors that would have been throughout the years. I experienced it first hand when I would ride in the back seat of the car when I was in my early teens. My old, slow driving, grandfather would forget to signal when he was making a turn and my grandmother would never fail to talk about it until the restaurant and proceed through lunch. “Oh Alec, you should really be more careful. Going 50 Kilometers on a street is quite quick and you must use a signal,” over and over again in different sentences. 25,550 days.

In order to find a man you can stand for 25,550 days, you need to consider this: know who you are. Erikson, a psychosocial theorist, created stages that a person goes through in their lives when they are young. According to him, we all go through these stages, which you can research more on if you’re curious. I will focus on one, however, identity versus role confusion. In this theory, the stage of an adolescent is to find who they are through choosing a role such as a nerd or a bully. In high school we were meant to choose who we want to be, shy or outgoing, popular or not, and so on. As I have read further about this, I realize this stage wasn’t something I completed. I was never able to choose who I wanted to be as I kept changing groups I chose to hang out with, and what role I wanted to be in. When I went to university I changed again completely, and afterwards even more so when I started to travel.

I believe that rather than one stage, this is something we go through our entire lives. Perhaps we don’t change our morality or our basic state of being, but there are too many encounters in our lives to not change and grow from them. I know for a fact that the “me” in a relationship in high school is not the same “me” that exists in one now (if I were in a relationship). The amount of people I meet in a year do not define me, but they help me at each encounter to realize what I like or dislike in people, and qualities I find intriguing. These encounters help me focus on what I want in a person as a friend or a possible relationship I can see lasting.

I am a firm believer in loving yourself before putting complete love in a relationship. This is because many people lose themselves when they are in a relationship and they begin to identify who they are by who they are with. It’s like a chameleon that changes to fit into the surroundings they are in at the time. When you outline what you want in a person, and don’t settle for less, you are putting faith in yourself that you are capable of meeting that individual and they do actually exist. It may not be in an ideal timeframe, but if you enjoy your life meeting new people and seeing what you like in all of them, you never know whom you will be with. If you waited for someone to change, you would be waiting forever, so have faith in yourself and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to spend 25,550 days with an individual you truly love.

The Red Leprechaun

11 Mar

If you have ever dated a man from Ireland, or if you are Irish then don’t think I believe that the Irish are leprechauns. When I was in Ireland there were so many men that had the body, face, and personality to go with the delicious accent. It was too bad I couldn’t take advantage of it because I had a boyfriend with me. A year before that, however, my impression had been tainted by one of the first Irish men I had ever met in New Zealand.

A lot of people go to New Zealand and Australia in their younger years to party and experience a different culture. The majority of Canadians choose Australia because it has a beach, accents, and booze (goon). I chose New Zealand because I thought I was different and wanted to see the scenery. Little did I know I was about to experience the cliché young travelers’ trip that I had tried to avoid. Although there are many stories I can tell you from this trip and the others following it, I choose to disturb your comfort level yet again by telling you about one “man” that I met and decided to date… for a couple of days.

I met many people in New Zealand, and when I went onto Australia I was excited but nervous to be alone again. One guy that I had met, who is nicknamed the Leprechaun, was a funny short guy with elf ears and an Irish accent. His smile was one for the ages with teeth coming out on all angles, but he had a bit of charm, which didn’t take away from the fact that he looked like a leprechaun. We met in a hostel and became friends over the week that I stayed there. Of course he was an attempted Ladies Man, but was always unsuccessful, especially with me. His little Lucky Charms laugh made me feel better, and his eagerness to be active and try new things always made me feel better when I was lonely or bored. The Irish accent had never been a big thing for me, I really liked British at the time, so it didn’t outweigh his small appearance. As we got to know each other, he would try harder and harder to get me to hold his hand or to kiss him. Now, I’m 5’3”, and he was shorter than me. He would give me a hug and try to get nearer to my face until I left the hostel and we exchanged numbers. As a matter of fact, I was looking at photos the other day and came across one of him and me, my face sympathetic looking and almost a hand on his to push it away. This describes our relationship.

By the time I left New Zealand for Australia, I knew I would be alone for a while. I was having some anxiety issues, and it always helped to be with friends. When I was over in Australia, I knew he had gone over just a few days before and so I decided to message him to see if he was in Sydney. He was, and decided to come to the hostel to hang out and have a few drinks. As it always happens, just after the invite I made four friends whom I still talk to today. I had said he could join us, which I immediately regretted because of his little leprechaun kissing attempts. On his way to the hostel explained how he got kicked out of his friend’s house and he needed a place to stay and would try to get a hostel for the night… But the catch was he didn’t have any money. He also told me that he fell asleep outside that day, and got a sun burn.

Now, I have seen sun burns, had sun burns, and have cruelly smacked a sun burn. I have never seen a person actually become a sun burn until that day. He met me outside the hostel and said, “it’s pretty bad isn’t it.” I said it wasn’t too bad, which was a clear lie. As the night progressed we all became drunk enough for me to offer him a place in my room, since there were 3 empty beds in a four-person room. Maybe it was the fact that I had been lonely, or was quite drunk, but I ended up sleeping with him. I slept with a red leprechaun. How unfortunate that I still remember it vividly. Lets bring you in on the magic shall we?

We didn’t sleep together until the morning when we woke up, and after he started, he just stopped moving. This was a whole “1-mississippi” count. I asked what was wrong and he smiled his little leprechaun smile and said oh nothing, you’re so beautiful. Blah blah, I was laying there not moving for about 5 minutes asking him if we were going to do anything and I got frustrated and got up to leave. I realized that he had finished as it was “1-missi…” count. Well, what a waste of time. I proceeded to freak out and watch him waddle away as a little red leprechaun who still had the impression of my ear on his cheek. I guess he had hoped his lucky charms had worked on me because he continued to message me for the rest of my trip. Thanks, but you can keep your pot of gold.

The Club Life

26 Feb

Do you remember when you were young, or last night if you are young, and you had that moment of “What am I doing here?” Well, some people know it well and some people only know it once or twice because they love the life. I’m one who gets it all the time and I wonder if the next time is the time that will be fun. I’ve found it’s only easy to spend time at a club if you’re with a great group of friends, love to dance, or are a drunk skunk. Now that I’m in my mid twenties, I find that it’s best to spend time positively, and turn any situation you are uncomfortable with into a good one. Last weekend McKenzie and I went to a club, which happened to be empty, as it was a Sunday night. We have had some rough times this month and needed a weekend filled with activities. At this empty club, we were being hit on by the men… Well the type of men that go to clubs on a Sunday night. Seeing as these men are not our type, we were feeling a bit down and didn’t know how to perk up. All of a sudden, we wondered why we were feeling down? Did we actually expect to have a good time socializing with Sunday nightclub hoppers? Not really. Instead, we decided to make the best of a bad situation.

We went out in the middle of the dance floor which only had about three people on it, one of which was on a stripper pole. Sunday night pole dance? Apparently so. We went out on that dance floor and I challenged McKenzie to dance as foolish as we could and appear as though we were serious. We started dancing and then legs came out flying with moves you haven’t seen since Night at the Roxbury. It ended up being one of the most fun nights of the weekend, which had nothing to do with being picked up by men or having too many drinks. Afterwards, we finished the night with some cheap Chinese food. A fantastic night.

I always wonder how those girls that go to the club weekly handle it. We used to go out at least two times a week, and we were girls like that but weren’t too into the neon light club scene with the beats and the black lights that make people’s stained teeth show. We were the type to find our favourite place and party the hell out of it, until we became regulars and moved on. As we’ve grown throughout the years, every so often we come back to a place we have visited before and wonder why we’re there. It’s not the scene we’re into anymore, though we clearly still love to dance… and drink.

Last night I went out for a friend’s birthday party at a club. It was a club with Spanish music on one side and Gangsta beats on the other. Typical stuff with stages filled with girls and neon lights hurting my eyes. It was filled with men who feel it’s their right to grab your hand (ass) while you walk by. It was filled with people that talk 3 centimeters away from your face as if that’s a normal space. And finally, it’s a place that if you’re not drunk, you’re screwed. Seeing as I was that sober person, I found myself just observing the people in the club. There was a guy who literally was swinging his pelvis back and forth and pulsing and grabbing his air woman. There was a 40-year-old man who thought his beer belly didn’t get in the way when people were walking by him. There were women with their spare tires hanging out, and women who looked as gorgeous as any celebrity. After four hours of observing and literally taking my hand and pushing faces away from mine, I was done and drove home, spending the cab ride back to my car with a van full of drunk, pelvis-thrusting men who kept calling me Blondie and asking why I was ignoring them.

The conclusion of this is nothing more than the fact that I am so thankful my friends don’t throw their pelvises back and forth, and that we can make a bad situation fun. It’s just too bad that none of them were with me last night. But not all was bad; I got birthday cake… And I most definitely ate the whole thing while sitting there with a fork merely observing.

17 Feb

Hey guys, we have a guest post today on Victoria writes, head on over and check it out! and make sure to read her wonderful blog!!

Brooke and Mckenzie

Victoria-writes

Today we have a guest post from Brooke and Mckenzie – two best friends who wax lyrical about love and life. Today they share their thoughts on Valentine’s. Happy reading!

Victoria

xoxox

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This year for Valentines day we would like to share with our readers on what makes it special for us.

As they say; women tend lead with their hearts, we definitely are suckers for something heartfelt over something cliche and over the top. Lots of monetary value is nice, but if there is not much sentiment put into it, it just feels impersonal.
Another thing we are into is something more on the “cute” side as opposed to shopping for lingerie, pulling out whips and making the whole night revolve around having sex. We believe in a relationship with regular passionate sex and if we have to wait until one  specific day a year to do that…

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Lunch Guy

11 Feb

 

We have nicknamed the gentleman that this post is about “lunch guy” because all I really got from him was a lunch date and a whole load of lies. But to get a better understanding of “lunch guy” we must start from the very beginning.

About two years ago or more I was on Plenty of Fish and had spoken to lunch guy a few times. He ended up adding me to Facebook and we must have made plans to meet at some point which obviously fell through. Regardless, at the time I started dating somebody else so I don’t recall the exact reason why me and lunch guy never met up but we just didn’t work out.

Three weeks ago I was spending a lazy Sunday at home wasting endless hours on Facebook when I got a message on Facebook Chat from lunch guy. We started trying to figure out how we knew each other. After about four hours of talking back and forth, I felt like we had the BEST conversation and really were hitting it off. We talked about everything, laughed, I enjoyed his humour. He told me he was a brand manager for a company and he got to see many cool things like hockey games as well as tickets and a flight to the Superbowl. That all sounded very exciting and after a while we exchanged phone numbers. Funny enough, I have had the same contacts on my phone for ten years because I happened to have his phone number already. Neither one of us could exactly remember why we didn’t pursue going on a date but if we got to the point of exchanging phone numbers we may have.

Regardless, two days later he took a cab over to my work and met me for lunch. He was a true gentleman. It was raining a bit so he held his umbrella over me, had his arm around my waist and took me to a very nice restaurant, nice than I expected for lunch. He had a witty sense of humour, joked with the hostess and waiter and said a few things that actually made me laugh out loud. I will not lie, I was impressed. He was six years older than me, owned his own place (seems to be rare for guys in their 30s around here) and seemed to have a pretty successful career. He held my hand across the table which was pretty cutesy and he gave me a peck on the cheek when I returned to work.

I went to work with a big smile on my face and constantly kept wondering why he had been sitting there in my friend’s list for so long and I never ever noticed him before or wondered why we didn’t talk.

That week it seemed we both had already made previous plans so we were unable to see each other. The conversation kept going back and forth. He made it clear that he was extremely busy with work and usually worked 7 days a week and sometimes until late hours of the night. I have different views on this. Although I enjoy working, I truly believe one must work to live and not live to work. Regardless, since he made the time to see me during our lunch, I figured he would put in that same effort on a second date and so on.

He went away for that weekend and was completely MIA. No text messages back or phone calls and I figured he was just busy. Then Sunday I finally receive a text from him saying he’s had a crazy weekend away for work and he would tell me everything over lunch later that week. We planned for lunch on a Friday…after he was leaving the following weekend for the Superbowl. He messaged me saying that he had to catch his plane and was unable to make it to lunch. Okay so I got over it, I realize it was kind of a big deal why he cancelled an moved on with my life.

Again; another weekend of MIA but then some sporadic messages saying how he just really liked me, saw himself dating me for the long run and that we had great chemistry. I don’t really fall for these words at this moment and I think it’s impossible to feel all this after a 45 minute lunch date. Regardless, I appreciated the effort.

I was given promises that when he came back he would make it up to me by taking me on a real dinner date. But I somehow had a weird gut feeling about him. He would try to squeeze me in during lunches but dinners seemed to require much planning. In the evenings he would usually not answer his phone or messages and then send me a random one here and there. I felt like he may not only be busy with work but also maybe be in a relationship?

As we were finalizing plans for our dinner date and he was almost upgrading his nickname from lunch to dinner guy. He told me that after dinner maybe we could hang out for a bit. I said,  sure that’s a good idea and figured since he mentioned his place a few times that maybe I could check it out. Before I suggested his place, I had a funny feeling that an excuse would come up as to why we shouldn’t go there.

He told me that his sister works close to his place and sometimes works late so she often crashes at his place. This is why going there would’ve been a bad idea. I questioned him on this because his sister seemed to be married with a husband and a two year old baby. I’m not a mother myself but I figure that a new mother would want to make it home every night to at least see her baby, especially when living in the same city.

Regardless, I told him it sounded odd to me but sure moving on. He said I had no reason to be doubtful and to trust him on this. He called me from his work and assured me that he is not lying about whatever life he is living. I expressed that there were no hard feelings but I really could not get involved if he was already with someone or even living with them. His phone called was assuring. Regardless, I didn’t really care what the outcome of it was, more like something to do?

Later that day I get a message that says “You’re going to kill me but I may not be able to do dinner, I may have to work late” I replied “Don’t worry about it” and that was the end of that. I got several other messages saying that he would try his best and so on. We were supposed to meet at 5:30, anyways the whole evening came and went and he never even gave me a text or a phone call. I went home right after work and didn’t even try to contact him because I was clearly done with him and his lame excuses and pathetic lies.

The next morning I receive a text that says “Hey are you mad at me for last night.” Clearly I ignored it, then I received another one saying “I’m sorry but I really tried.” I tried my best to ignore him but the messages just would not stop. The last thing I wanted to do was let him think I was busy or something and that I was fine with being cancelled or disappointed. So I messaged him back and told him that I did not think it was a good idea for us to see each other. I needed someone who was available for me and who would be willing to do things with me. Not someone who has to pencil me in and cancel on me because they are obsessed with their job, or worse in a serious relationship. He told me that he felt I was making a huge mistake and that he cared about me and really liked me and that he had a gut feeling we could be something great.

My favourite thing is when he said “Sometimes in love things dont go the way you wan them to but it’s never that easy and you have to be patient and try. I am upset that you are not fighting for this and are giving up so easily”

EXCUSE ME? Since when are we talking about “love” here. And also, I explained that I would fight and not give up in a relationship with someone that had put the time into being with me, who fights for someone after a second date and a series of disappointments!

Regardless, I told him that mistake or not I guess if I eventually feel like I made a mistake, it would be my problem to deal with and my loss. It’s really too bad that in some cases the bird dance lasts a few months or a few years but at least in this case the bird dance lasted a lunch date and then two weeks of lying and pretending to be in a relationship and that we should “fight for it.”

In the end, I fought for what I believed in and that is what’s important.

I believed that I am worth somebody’s time, I am worth being important and a number one priority. And I am worth having someone want to learn about me and what makes me different or unique. I also am worth someone fighting for me through actions and not words. Showing up and taking me somewhere, or out to lunch. Not once, but a few times and showing me a great time and that, just maybe might make me fight for them and make me realize that they are worth fighting for.