Do you like the flick of my hand?

21 Sep


I’m sure you’re aware that every man, guy or boy has unique quirks that make him who he is. I’m also sure you’re aware that some of these traits are the reasons for nicknames, stories, and inevitably how you describe your ex when the relationship has ended. Well, I’m here to tell you that this is not only one of the most common things to discuss with your girlfriends; it’s clearly one of the most fun things.

I’m here to tell you how a flick of the wrist lasted as one ex’s identifier for years after we had broken up. While he and I would eat dinner, he would open his palm, spread his fingers and flick across his body quickly to form his hand into a point. He would do this to ask me to pass the salt, point directions to anyone if they asked, and always… always to order dinner. We would sit down at a table and for some reason he would get a sense of power, and speak to the waitress with a cockiness that always made me shiver. He would not only point to the menu with his hand flick, but also to ask me what I was going to order, and then proceed to order it for me always in the same manner. “She’ll have the chicken,” hand flick. “I’ll have the pasta,” hand flick.

I’ll always remember McKenzie telling me that the women that worked at the store she was working at the time thought he was there to steal something. He had a sketchy way about him, only emphasized by the fact that he would flick his hand all the time. Perhaps this was a disease. The disease of the Idle Hands as the 90’s Devon Sawa flick would suggest. Anyways, it never stops being funny and once in a while I am at dinner or McKenzie is, and we burst out laughing at someone across the room ordering with the flick of the hand.

Here’s another example. A guy I dated had a weird and disgusting trait. It’s pretty awful and I can’t believe I dated him for so long considering he had this. When he kissed me, (remembering this is making me gag) he would back away at the end of our little make out with his mouth open and tongue sticking out. Yeah, I dated a dog. It wasn’t so weird at the beginning because I thought he was just into it and would go back for another wet one… literally. Now that I think about it, I only dated him because I was lonely at the beginning, and I guess that deserves ignoring a dog tongue. As time wore on, he would do it consistently. He would just open his mouth with his moist little tongue sticking out. Gross.

I started looking away because I couldn’t take it anymore. What’s worse is that it started that when we had sex he would do it too. He would be so into it that he wouldn’t realize his mouth was open and his tongue was out like a dog. Hell, my dog doesn’t even pant that much. I started saying “Your mouth is open again,” and he would reply with “Oh I didn’t realize.” He would close it but near the end of our relationship I just stopped being attracted to him. I couldn’t take the constant panting. If I were into dogs, I’d just date one and save myself the emotional turmoil.

The dating world is filled with little traits and quirks that can be loveable, or ultimately be the end to something that could have been. There are all kinds of them, and you know we have them too. The difference is, we’re far more judgemental than men, and will discuss them to no end with our girlfriends. In any case, a new relationship is always exciting and terrifying… what traits will your new man have?


2 Responses to “Do you like the flick of my hand?”

  1. Redneckprincess September 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    I honestly can’t think of anyone that could compare to the panting 🙂 that is pretty freaking funny 🙂

  2. BougieHippie September 23, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

    I’m a guy and I will admit I am judgmental when It comes to dating my only problem is I will say my disdain out loud.

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