Desperate Women

24 Nov

What makes a desperate woman?

It’s one thing to judge others and call them “desperate” but when you look in the mirror can you see aspects of yourself that could be labeled as “desperate” as well? We sure can, and sadly enough while we can acknowledge it, we often find ourselves repeating this behaviour because either we are comfortable with it or we don’t know how to change it.

Let’s start off by listing some behavioural patterns that make one appear to be desperate based on some research we have done:

  1. Texting someone constantly and wondering why they have not replied within 15   minutes
  2. Getting frustrated that they haven’t replied and sending them angry messages
  3.  Constantly seeking the attention of someone you are interested in or are dating (this includes numbers 1 and 2 as well as wanting to be attached at the hip with them without any breathing room)
  4. Always being in a relationship or with someone in general
  5. Talking to ten different people via text to the point where you lose track of the conversations
  6. Gathering up as many dates as possible through online dating sites within a week and15+ in a month
  7. Dating someone who is far below your standards but settling for them because you don’t know if you can do better and you would like a boyfriend right now
  8. Being in a relationship with someone that mistreats you and tells you openly they don’t see the relationship going anywhere
  9. Staying with someone that cheats on you (repeatedly)
  10. Being in a relationship with someone that buys you an umbrella as a birthday present ( yes this happened to one of our friends)
  11. Being with someone that you know will never propose to you but willing to buy yourself an engagement ring to give to them so they can give to you (refer to #9, this is the same friend and this was a 5 year plus relationship)
  12. Sacrificing your own beliefs and values and compromising your true self because you don’t want to lose someone
  13. Being constantly afraid that someone does not love you as much as they say and will dump you and constantly bringing this up to them and questioning why they are with you
  14. Getting pregnant to purposely lock someone with you for life
  15. Agreeing with everything the other person says and not having any opinions of your own (everybody likes to be in a relationship where they are challenged)
  16. Creating a “Wedding Ideas” album/folder/Pinterest when you don’t even have a boyfriend or you are not engaged
  17. Going on the Bachelorette/Bachelor

After reading the list, unfortunately we can both agree that we fit into many of them. Now don’t mind us if we go and sulk in a dark corner, watch cheesy romance movies, eat too much chocolate and wipe our tears away. Just kidding, but really; it’s important to understand why we act this way. Is it society? Is it past experiences? Or is it watching those around us that seem to be finding their soul mates and we wonder, where is our prince charming!

Desperate is not having the words DESPERATE written across your forehead but there can be subtle hints of desperation and we can fit into many of these categories to a certain degree. We believe most of our fears or anxieties towards any relationship has been influenced by past relationships that clearly have failed, unfortunately making it very difficult to let our guard down for fear of being hurt. I (Mckenzie) find that I start to lose interest in relationships if I don’t feel that the person is giving me enough attention or making an effort to show me that they want me. I guess I start to feel some insecurity inside and wonder if they’ve changed their minds or if they are no longer interested. I like to be up front with them regarding the relationship and “evaluating” where we stand, maybe not because they need to know but mainly because I feel that I need to know.

We see desperate girls every day, even when looking in the mirror. (Brooke) I know that I find it hard to date one guy, spend a lot of time with him, and walk out of it feeling nothing. It’s not that I need constant attention, but when I don’t get it from a guy I like, I really feel like there’s a need not being filled.

I guess I deal with it in a different way, by going on dates with other guys and trying to avoid those feelings. As I go on these secondary dates, I always wonder why the first guy is still not messaging me. Then I think, wow I’m an extremely needy girl who can’t be alone. I like to think this isn’t true, when sometimes it is. I like to be liked. I like to be chased after, and most guys don’t have a problem with that.

The problem is that the guys who chase me turn out to be the wrong guys for me because they too, are needy. I need the guy who doesn’t message me every moment of the day. I am pretty unstable when it comes to my thoughts and I don’t know if I want a boyfriend half of the time or if I want a boner buddy. I switch my thoughts weighing the pro’s and con’s and decide that I have no time for anything but what I have now so I need to relax. This cycle happens every so often and then stops for a couple of weeks and repeats. It’s one of the most annoying things, but I can agree that it is an act of desperation because the attention-starved-back-in-the-high-school-days-girl won’t let go of the fact that he didn’t text me back.

 

Are we right in describing these actions as desperate or is it normal? Do we try to change these aspects of ourselves, and if so how?


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17 Responses to “Desperate Women”

  1. jules November 24, 2011 at 4:31 am #

    i fit into all of those moulds. I think it’s probably because I’ve never experienced a proper relationship yet. Isn’t that sad?! 😦

    • riatarded November 24, 2011 at 8:25 am #

      Nah! I don’t think that’s sad. It’s just a part of growing up:) trust me, get through this phase and you will be so grateful when you find that one person!

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 24, 2011 at 11:54 pm #

      That’s okay, I believe that after a numerous amount of boyfriends, dates and everything else in between I finally feel like I’m in a “REAL” relationship. We can all relate!

  2. riatarded November 24, 2011 at 8:26 am #

    hahah I can relate to this! and number 10 was hilarious! what? really? an umbrella? 😛

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 24, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

      Yes that’s right an umbrella. I remember she left her umbrella at my house and constantly reminded me how important this umbrella was for her to get back….

      • riatarded November 25, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

        hahah ok I don’t know what to say;) My boyfriend is in the habit of leaving gifts given to him lying around. I have learned to not give so much attention to mere possessions! Cherishing the time we have together is far more important.

      • Brookeandmckenzie November 26, 2011 at 12:57 am #

        What do you mean like if you give him a gift he forgets it behind?

        Yeah I think that’s true. Some things are not worth fighting over.

  3. nelle November 24, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    Desperation is the wrong place to be. If one is there… shut down, regroup, and return to dating only from a place of confidence.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 24, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

      How does one get to dating to a place of confidence. So many times in the past some awful relationships really blurred my image of myself and my confidence. I felt like I lost parts of myself sometimes.

  4. elroyjones November 26, 2011 at 10:26 am #

    It doesn’t seem like you two, or millions of other people your age, are desperate at all. If there is one thing that causes this irrational behavior (I was young and irrational once too!) I suspect it is hormones. Your biological destiny is calling you and it’s insisting that you find a mate for life so you can procreate to save the species. Life is long and it’s hard. Try to relax and have fun now, while you’re young, before you go collecting people i.e., spouses/kids/in-laws and responsibilities that will smother the fun right out of you.

    I married once, disastrously, when I was 25, it lasted 7 glorious months, no kids thanks be to Gawd. Then I spent several years, until I was 32, making loads of mistakes and bad choices, living my own life and having a very good time in my prolonged and misspent youth, until I met the LOVE OF MY LIFE and I’m not kidding.

    You don’t need a man as a confirmation of your existence. Now is the time to buy overpriced shoes and expensive lipsticks, to go somewhere warm on a cold weekend and return to eat Ramen for a month because you really couldn’t afford Belize for 3 days but hell, you had fun and it was worth it!

    Sure sometimes you’ll be lonely and maybe a little bit sad but you know what, sometimes even when you’re married to the love of your life you’ll be a little bit lonely and sad too. It’s an internal thing that no one but you can cure and it’s normal.

    The texting and phone calls every 15 minutes will happen when you meet the right guy, he won’t mind and neither will you. In the meantime there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy, HIV tested, boner buddy to keep you company through the holiday parties and long, cold, winter.

    Instead of looking at all the happy couples, why don’t the two of you keep a list of how many couples you see fighting; it will provide balanced perspective! If someone gave me an umbrella for my birthday I’d beat him over the head with it- just sayin’.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 26, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

      Thank you so much for this comment, amazing points throughout. This was very inspirational and really made us think and reflect, it really made us see a lighter side of things and that it’s important to not be so “harsh” on ourselves for this behaviour. This really helps us understand it and it is important we enjoy life now rather than try to rush things and suck the fun out of it.

      Brooke and Mckenzie

    • Nova November 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

      All i can say is Bravo!

  5. riatarded November 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    ok i don’t know why i couldn’t reply to your comment but yes he leaves gifts lying around with the exception of a watch and a promise ring [well thank God for that eh?;)] It used to make me so mad but i think after 5 years you just let some things slide by.

    I am waiting for your next post haha always something fun to talk about 🙂

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

      Thanks so much, we love hearing that our readers look forward to our next post, it’s what we strive for; to get a discussion going and we love hearing all your wonderful and entertaining comments 🙂

  6. will date for free food November 30, 2011 at 11:26 am #

    I got a little behind in reading your posts… with Thanksgiving and being sick =(

    However, I feel like I could say SO MUCH in response to this. But I’m just going to resort to saying that I love you girls and you keep me thinking (not that I always need it! but it definitely helps in my very own self-analysis).

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE December 1, 2011 at 1:26 am #

      We love you too!
      And hope you feel better, glad to have you back, missed your wonderful posts and comments.

      xo

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