What makes a desperate woman?
It’s one thing to judge others and call them “desperate” but when you look in the mirror can you see aspects of yourself that could be labeled as “desperate” as well? We sure can, and sadly enough while we can acknowledge it, we often find ourselves repeating this behaviour because either we are comfortable with it or we don’t know how to change it.
Let’s start off by listing some behavioural patterns that make one appear to be desperate based on some research we have done:
- Texting someone constantly and wondering why they have not replied within 15 minutes
- Getting frustrated that they haven’t replied and sending them angry messages
- Constantly seeking the attention of someone you are interested in or are dating (this includes numbers 1 and 2 as well as wanting to be attached at the hip with them without any breathing room)
- Always being in a relationship or with someone in general
- Talking to ten different people via text to the point where you lose track of the conversations
- Gathering up as many dates as possible through online dating sites within a week and15+ in a month
- Dating someone who is far below your standards but settling for them because you don’t know if you can do better and you would like a boyfriend right now
- Being in a relationship with someone that mistreats you and tells you openly they don’t see the relationship going anywhere
- Staying with someone that cheats on you (repeatedly)
- Being in a relationship with someone that buys you an umbrella as a birthday present ( yes this happened to one of our friends)
- Being with someone that you know will never propose to you but willing to buy yourself an engagement ring to give to them so they can give to you (refer to #9, this is the same friend and this was a 5 year plus relationship)
- Sacrificing your own beliefs and values and compromising your true self because you don’t want to lose someone
- Being constantly afraid that someone does not love you as much as they say and will dump you and constantly bringing this up to them and questioning why they are with you
- Getting pregnant to purposely lock someone with you for life
- Agreeing with everything the other person says and not having any opinions of your own (everybody likes to be in a relationship where they are challenged)
- Creating a “Wedding Ideas” album/folder/Pinterest when you don’t even have a boyfriend or you are not engaged
- Going on the Bachelorette/Bachelor
After reading the list, unfortunately we can both agree that we fit into many of them. Now don’t mind us if we go and sulk in a dark corner, watch cheesy romance movies, eat too much chocolate and wipe our tears away. Just kidding, but really; it’s important to understand why we act this way. Is it society? Is it past experiences? Or is it watching those around us that seem to be finding their soul mates and we wonder, where is our prince charming!
Desperate is not having the words DESPERATE written across your forehead but there can be subtle hints of desperation and we can fit into many of these categories to a certain degree. We believe most of our fears or anxieties towards any relationship has been influenced by past relationships that clearly have failed, unfortunately making it very difficult to let our guard down for fear of being hurt. I (Mckenzie) find that I start to lose interest in relationships if I don’t feel that the person is giving me enough attention or making an effort to show me that they want me. I guess I start to feel some insecurity inside and wonder if they’ve changed their minds or if they are no longer interested. I like to be up front with them regarding the relationship and “evaluating” where we stand, maybe not because they need to know but mainly because I feel that I need to know.
We see desperate girls every day, even when looking in the mirror. (Brooke) I know that I find it hard to date one guy, spend a lot of time with him, and walk out of it feeling nothing. It’s not that I need constant attention, but when I don’t get it from a guy I like, I really feel like there’s a need not being filled.
I guess I deal with it in a different way, by going on dates with other guys and trying to avoid those feelings. As I go on these secondary dates, I always wonder why the first guy is still not messaging me. Then I think, wow I’m an extremely needy girl who can’t be alone. I like to think this isn’t true, when sometimes it is. I like to be liked. I like to be chased after, and most guys don’t have a problem with that.
The problem is that the guys who chase me turn out to be the wrong guys for me because they too, are needy. I need the guy who doesn’t message me every moment of the day. I am pretty unstable when it comes to my thoughts and I don’t know if I want a boyfriend half of the time or if I want a boner buddy. I switch my thoughts weighing the pro’s and con’s and decide that I have no time for anything but what I have now so I need to relax. This cycle happens every so often and then stops for a couple of weeks and repeats. It’s one of the most annoying things, but I can agree that it is an act of desperation because the attention-starved-back-in-the-high-school-days-girl won’t let go of the fact that he didn’t text me back.
Are we right in describing these actions as desperate or is it normal? Do we try to change these aspects of ourselves, and if so how?