The molds we create

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As we get older it seems to become extremely obvious that the more we date, the more particular we become about what we look for in a mate.  In other words, we create molds.

These molds include everything from physical appearance to intelligence, wealth and anything else we add to the mix. We can all agree that we have a strong radar, where within a short while of meeting someone we can already determine if we want to ever see them again or not. As we both sit there and talk about traits we find attractive, our list gets bigger and bigger both ways. We have many likes but also quite a big list of dislikes.

I remember once having a high school boyfriend whose parents met through a blind date in high school and had been together ever since. That sounds cute for sure, but I cannot imagine anyone being open to blind dates these days or having them work out in the end. That is because many people are becoming more desperate. Even in a world where we are surrounded by Facebook, twitter and many other social media websites. Some people I have met through online dating have definitely lied about their appearance or lied about important aspects of themselves in general.

Forget blind dates, nowadays before we meet someone we have probably already looked up their Facebook profile, gone through all 1,000 of their pictures, read all of their wall posts and possibly found any dirt on an ex. Once we have stalked them on every level imaginable, my favourite part is going on the first date with them where you feel as if you already know their whole life story.

As they tell you they took a trip to Thailand, you pretend to sound surprised and intrigued but little do they know that you looked at all the pictures of their trip, Albums 1, 2 and 3.When they tell you they have siblings; all of which you have already Facebook stalked, you act surprised because again you cannot give away your immaculate stalker abilities. Then they proceed to say that their last relationship was 2 years ago. This is the moment where you hope that the picture you saw of them embracing someone romantically does in fact fall in the 2 year time period, otherwise they are lying and they have already disqualified themselves!

This is why I believe that blind dates are becoming obsolete. Not only because we are considered weird if we don’t have a Facebook account but also because we have been let down so many times that we still hope to find prince charming who will fit into our mold and pass all of our likes and dislikes with flying colours. Not only do they have to fit into this mold on a first appearance basis, but we also have to be in agreement with their past based on what we have seen on Facebook. If we see that they have constant bar pictures, we clearly label them as someone who is not so serious about commitment. We have already made these decisions most likely without sometimes giving them a chance to explain.

Unfortunately as we create these molds and letting them get more complex for anyone to fit into, we only end up disappointing ourseleves and in the end losing faith in the opposite sex. We have both been in long term relationships where we wanted to find that perfect guy that helped us cook or cooked for us, cleaned (and enjoyed it), did things for us not because they had to but because they were just that sweet, and loved us through good and bad. Unfortunately we were blind to realize that the relationships we were in did not fit in the mold at all and all we were doing was taking two rectangular shapes and trying to shove them in a circle.

I (Mckenzie) remember thinking that the person I was with had a hard time fitting in the mold but because he loved me so much, I had somehow swept him off his feet and made him fit in perfectly. In the end this turned out to be a huge mess. Once we moved in together he started daily arguments about how he changed his mind about living with me, said it was my idea and he was just trying to please me. He also stopped helping me with anything and started complaining that he felt crowded, the relationship went downhill from there.

In Brooke’s situation, she was dating someone who openly talked about not ever wanting to marry and she maybe hoped that he would change his mind for her. The same thing applied to him in terms of having kids, he did not seem to be thrilled at the idea or having any; ever, and unfortunately he was not willing to compromise but being blinded by love she failed to see some of these signs earlier on.

Somehow love blinds us into this reality we create where we not only become very picky but when we are exhausted from looking for the right person, we just try to shove them in our mold because we have either given up looking or we don’t think that we can do any better.

Looking at both of our past relationships now, it’s easy to see what went wrong and we can take this as a lesson and move forward. Should we hold on to this mold we have created and this list of likes and dislikes? Doing that seems as if we are lowering our standards. Or should we not view it that way and become more passive. We often feel like we can change people or believe that someone will fall so madly in love with us that they will just listen to us and not have any objections. Unfortunately this is not always the case and we end up heartbroken.

Is being more flexible with our mold another way of saying we have lowered our standards or a process of growing as people and learning to love people and accept imperfections?