I was inspired to write a post for Halloween as I was watching Dawn of the Dead. You may say, well how is it one can be inspired to write about men while watching a movie about zombies eating people, people killing people, and a hardly hopeful ending. Well I’ll tell you how. Spoiler alert: You know the ending when in the 2004 version; buddy is on the end of the dock going to kill himself? Well I thought, what a man. If there were a zombie invasion, I think I would choose the man who had the balls to stand at the end of the dock and kill himself rather than the guy who stays with the girl because he can’t bare to let her go. Well he’s got to let her go, otherwise his dead ass will kill her and he’ll have been a terrible lover.
There are a million movie references I can make to you, but I’m going to focus on what makes a good partner in life, just in case an invasion or some craziness happens. In 28 Weeks Later the Dad is… well he’s an ass. Spoiler! He lets his wife be eaten by zombies. What a charmer. Now the question is, how do you weed out the bad ones before you’re (hopefully never) in any of these situations? You ask yourself… if there were a zombie invasion, how would my man react? I guess you have to make a Halloween checklist:
1. Man must not throw women to zombies, serial killers, or anything of the like.
2. Man must be able to kick ass with a bat, gun, axe, or a paper clip. Like MacGyver.
3. Man must have a licence to drive… How would you escape not knowing how to drive?
4. Man must have a great body for when a zombie tears off his shirt ready to eat him. (This is when man uses step number 2 and survives.)
5. Man must have a past that does not involve sketchiness such as Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, or those kids from the Scream franchise.
6. Man must not wear masks on days that aren’t Halloween.
I know as I refer to Bra from “The Big Red Book (Part 2),” he doesn’t exactly fall into categories that are on this list, but we can all safely assume he’s a crazy person who could potentially be part of this list at some point in his future. This is when you eliminate these people, and move on to the real men that wear black T-shirts and have big arm muscles ready to be the last one standing in any Halloween sort of invasion.
As I could go on and on, I’ll save it as I’m sure we’ll have a few stories to tell you when we’re back from our escapades of Halloween 2011. Brooke and McKenzie both encourage you to be safe, and keep these important steps in mind as you Halloween the night(s) away!