Oh Sh*t.

16 Oct

This weekend I was hanging out with a guy that I actually like. I was impressed because asked if I wanted to come over to watch a movie and he would make me dinner. I think it’s great when a guy asks if he can cook for you. Not only does it save some money, but also it gives him a chance to show off his skills and make you attracted to his manly way with food. Also, I’m attracted to food on its own so it’s just a really big bonus when a guy can cook. So I went over right after work and we hung out for the afternoon. It was a lot of fun but then I really felt the need… to fart. Have you ever been hanging out with a guy and you just need to let one go? I’m sure you have. If you haven’t, well good for you but it’s pretty human so I’m pretty sure you’re lying to yourself.

So there I was, sitting in the kitchen with him talking about whatever and I just desperately needed to let one go. I said I needed to check my phone and I went into his room hoping to catch a moment of silence for a deadly need. He followed me in because he wanted to put his slippers on (HOW CUTE IS THAT). Needless to say, I didn’t get my window of opportunity.

Then when I thought I was in the clear to go to the washroom, his roommates came home. 4 of them. You know now they’re roaming the house and there’s not one place just fart! What do you do in that situation? I know that Mckenzie agrees with me when we say we can’t just fart in front of a guy. I mean I guess if he’s your boyfriend it’s a lot easier but there’s no way that I can fart in front of a guy I like who wears slippers.

But now, I didn’t just have to fart. I couldn’t just sh*t in a 3 bedroom apartment that has 4 roommates. I just couldn’t do it. Everyone was in close proximity and all talking. Do you think me coming out of the washroom and someone going in right after me wouldn’t say anything? These guys talk! I don’t want to be the girl that shat.

I messaged Mckenzie sharing my dilemma with her and she shared one of her so-called “tricks” with me. Ask to go for a coffee and as soon as you arrive in the coffee shop confess that you must desperately use the washroom. Needles to say, I sat in discomfort for THREE hours before I could do anything. Thank God his roommates went to the beer store.

It seems that using the washroom for a number 2 and farting are almost like steps in a relationship that we dread having to take but must be faced one day. We know that everybody poops and farts, but when do we come out to the person we are so attracted to or the one we love and let them come to the realization that unfortunately girls do fart and poop and it does NOT smell like flowers.

Is there an amount of time that one should wait? Is there a sign or an indication that now it’s okay to expel gas near someone you’re dating or your significant other…how do you know? This milestone in any relationship seems to be one that is unavoidable but how does one make the transition smoothly without feeling embarrassed? Unless you carry <a href=”http://poopourri.com/”>PooPourri</a> in your purse?

Please tell  us…seriously we really want to know!

Brooke and Mckenzie

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11 Responses to “Oh Sh*t.”

  1. tjaez25 October 17, 2011 at 8:24 am #

    WHAT???? I thought you did smell like Roses and Potpourri. LOL. I like this story.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE October 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

      Thank you, yeah sorry that we don’t…at least 99% of the time we do!

  2. BougieHippie October 17, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

    A girl should never use the restroom in front of a guy! I dont even believe women use the restroom!

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE October 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

      Well I can say I never have any problem urinating in front of anybody, but other stuff; that’s a whole other story.
      Guys smell even worse. I remember my ex used to fart all the time around me and when he had to #2 he would bring his computer and sit in there for what seemed like an hour, it was almost like he never made is past the anal stage.

  3. tinkerbelle86 October 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    Girlies this is a conundrum that me and my friends have discussed. i just always harp back to one comment my first boyfriend made. we were together for five years and i think i had once of those oh-god-i-JUST-HAVE-TO! moments about three times in the whole relationship. his comment was “oh god. now all the mystery is GONE!” very dramatic, bit of a douche but its stuck with me since. so im going to go with never. 🙂

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE October 17, 2011 at 4:20 pm #

      What are we supposed to do! Hold it? What if it starts to hurt?
      After all it’s natural and uncontrollable ! haha.

  4. breezyk October 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm #

    I’ve farted in my sleep before when sharing a bed with a boyfriend… he told me about it afterwards, and now its a constant fear… like having spinach stuck in my teeth while I’m talking.

    • BROOKEandMCKENZIE October 17, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

      I’m actually terrified of the same thing because one night when an ex was asleep he full out farted very loudly. I told him the next day and we laughed about it, but its not like I saw him any differently.

      I think maybe guys need to just accept it! Haha

  5. umcheckplease October 17, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    I don’t know what you’re talking about. Girls DON’T do such things! (gasp!)

    BTW if you light a match after using the bathroom it makes the smell go away… so I’ve heard…

  6. will date for free food October 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    Haha, LOVE this post! I have never farted in front of a guy I’m dating (and admitted it)… I’ve always tried to find some way to sneak away for a moment to do so. Maybe we need to start carrying poopourri & matches in our purses!

  7. IHeartVegetables October 22, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    Hahahah oh my gosh this is hilarious and SO true. It’s like, a weird step in a relationship. Some people can laugh about it. I Feel like it mostly depends on the guy. And yes, roommates make the situation like 10 times worse!

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