The “bird dance” is a term we use to describe the beginning stages of a relationship and how everybody (mainly men), do the “bird dance” in order to attract females.
Many birds put on a show to attract females like dancing or fluffing up their feathers (like Peacocks do). The reason we associate this with the beginning stages of a relationship is because this “bird dance” does not last and it is only used as a hook for the first few months.
Sure, everybody puts on their best face when going into any new relationship but what earns the “bird dance” category is those men that take this dance to a whole new level by creating such big shoes to fill that they eventually are not able to keep this dance up and they miserably fail. This dance requires a lot of skill; one wrong move sends you face down on the floor.
(Mckenzie ): One example I have of this is somebody I once dated. The bird dance started from day one and within the three months it all went crumbling down. The initial stages of the bird dance were the fluffing of the weathers: talking about how romantic he was, and how he would treat me like a princess. He used to surprise me by sending me flowers to work, teddy bears, chocolate. In the beginning these flowers seemed sweet, you might think I’m crazy for hating this. But how long can these constant gifts go on when the relationship is failing on many levels.
Within less than a month of dating the bird dance was over. Not only had he miserably failed to keep up with the dance, but the mask completely fell off and the ugly truth showed through. This person had no personality, no sense of humour and overall nothing going for him.
He had used these gifts to hide behind them. When the bird dance ended so abruptly, this person became the cheapest person I had ever known my entire life, let alone making me feel like a princess. The peacoock’s feathers fell off, one by one, and underneath those beautiful colours and grandeur appearance, an ugly duckling emerged.
Penny pinching became a daily obsession and arguments were constant and on a daily basis. This person had embedded himself so deeply into the relationship that he was extremely clingy and needy and difficult to get rid of. The ugly duckling spoke to me as if he was doing me a favour by being with me. He tried to make me feel like I could never find someone to give me all the things I wanted and stick by my side, unless I was trapped with him.
Little did this ugly duckling know that nothing he could do or say could ever lower my confidence to his level. So I waved “goodbye” to this ugly duckling as he stumbled away and could never realize what a deceitful person he had been.
We do not need to put on a big show for others, creating a fake persona and pretending to be what the other person dreams of. Some people are meant for each other and some simply are not. Putting on a fake show is not only cheating the other person out of something honest and real, but also yourself.
Always ask yourself, how long can the show go on? One day it will end, it is unavoidable. But what do we want to emerge underneath he beautiful feathers. The truth or an ugly duckling?
(Brooke): Another example is my own. Let’s say you meet this new gentleman. You get to chatting about what’s new. The new work schedule, what you normally do on a Wednesday night. Stuff you know everyone talks about but none of it matters. Eventually you get along the lines of the guy hinting that he’s interested in more than a casual. A sly but obvious comment to any girl: “Friday I was supposed to go to my friend’s house for a dinner but they cancelled”. This is of course followed by a sad face L.
You reply with: “Oh that’s too bad, I was planning on going out with the girls that night.” It ends up with an “accidental” invite, one that grants him entry into not only your night, but a possible after party.
This guy comes to your night out, dressing nicely, smelling good, and is not afraid to go ahead and buy you a round but also your friends. He continues this all night. You, being sloshed at the end of the night, give him a kiss or eight and walk to the hot-dog stand for your after bar meal; a staple for a night out. He buys it for you and your friends, gets you a cab home and completely understands that he can’t come.
Three weeks later after multiple dates including wine, dinners out, baseball games, good kisses and well… the obvious, he starts coming over to just hang out. I personally love staying in with a good movie on a weeknight. Doing this for a weeknight is fine but it starts becoming a daily occurrence, eventually translating to routine. The bird has fluffed his feathers, showed his colours, got you in his grasp, and decided that he had you under his wing.
You like the security, and being comfortable with someone again, but something is already missing. It’s a month in and you’re already trying to convince him it would be good to go out for dinner with friends, or go to the bar for one or two drinks. He starts saying the money situation isn’t good; he can’t pay for everything. You have already contributed to some nights out, him saying “Don’t worry about it” or “I got this.”
Here is where it PISSES ME OFF. Why, why, why would you put on a great big show, dinners, events, fun out when all you’re going to do is take it away as soon as you have us! I respect a man who balances activities that cost, as well as those that are free. If you pull out the big guns at the beginning, how are you ever going to keep us there? Some women don’t mind, and God love ya but I am not one of them. I like to do things. We can bike ride or have snowball fights for all I care, those are free, but the laziness begins and the activities that take energy become less and less! It’s like a present that you’re taking back. I would have said long ago that it’s a city guy who takes away doing activities, but I’ve dated the country guy too. I work 9-5, sitting down, why do I want to just come home and sit down again?
This is the bird dance, and it is one many men put on to make us check out his colours so he can beat out the other men. I ask you to please stop looking like a damn bird and get some balance so we can remain excited with each other. This way I’ll continue to put on makeup and wear my sexy lingerie.